Page 15 of Top Shelf
Gavin is here. How in the world is Gavinhere? In Seattle? And why is he in my brother’s house?
Logically, I know why. There’s no other reasonwhy. I just don’t want it to be true.
I pretended not to remember him. It killed me, but I couldn’t risk Reed knowing. How could I convince him to let me stay here if he knew I know his teammate…intimately? And how the hell am I going to go back out there and pretend some more? How am I going to act like Gavin is a stranger, especially when I know his lips taste like scotch and his hands feel like heaven?
Because I remember him.Of courseI do. Every detail, from our meeting at the bar and how he looked at me like I was the only girl in the room to him asking me to leave and me sayingyes. Our time in the hotel. The way he kissed me…touched me…I remember it all. Every damn part of it.
Even the one where I walked away.
I squeeze my eyes shut and bounce my head off the door. Maybe if I hit hard enough, I can forget all my awful mistakes, like walking away from him without a way to get in touch. Or I can forget why I came to Seattle in the first place. Now that would be a treat.
I’m not sure I even meant to come here. I just wanted to get away from New York and everything awful there. I got on my phone and booked a flight to the first place I could think of. Now, here I am, with no plan, no place to go, and a brother who is pissed I’m in his house.
I move to the sink, wash my hands, and try hard not to look into the mirror. I don’t need to see how lifeless my eyes are or how messy my hair looks. I already know I look haggard. I just really wish it wasn’t happening in front of Gavin. The last time he saw me, I was dressed to the nines and to impress, not looking like a shell of myself. I still can’t believe he’s here. How, after all this time, is he in the last place I expected him to be? How is he here, where I ran to for a fresh start? And how does he still look so damn good?
Those hazel eyes of his…his long, thick legs… His strong arms and hands made me feel alive for the first time in what felt like an eternity. He looks good.Toogood. Especially for someone I can’t have, and not just because it’s far too soon after my divorce to try the whole finding-true-love thing again. Reed already hates me. I can’t add to that by starting something with his teammate.
Not that I planned to. I don’t want to start anything with anyone. I still need time. The wounds…they’re still much too fresh to even think about something serious. Right now, I needto focus on me, and that’s it—no other distractions. Just getting back to the Vanessa I was before this whole mess.
I splash cold water on my face, using the hand towel to pat it dry. I dare a quick glance at the mirror just to make sure my hair isn’ttooragged, and I’m shocked by what I see. I lookrough. No, worse than rough. Like I haven’t slept in months and haven’t eaten in just as long. My eyes are sunken in, I don’t remember the last time I actually did something with my hair other than throw it into a messy bun, and I’m rapidly working on being mistaken for Casper the Friendly Ghost.
I can’t believe Gavin recognized me. Ibarelyrecognize myself. Maybe this move will be what I need to get back to where I was before I met Neal and lost myself, before I got married. Before I got divorced.
Before I found out that—No.
I push the thought from my mind. I don’t need to spiral right now, not while standing in Reed’s guest bathroom with him and his fiancée close by. I tuck away all the bad thoughts, roll my shoulders back, and open the door.
I hear my brother before I see him.
“What the fuck is she doing here, Mom?”
I’m not sure if I should laugh or not. Reed called his mother to find out why I’m here instead of just asking me. Does he hate me that much?
There’s a long pause, and I’m sure it’s Angie trying to diffuse the situation as best as she can. She’s always tried to be the peacekeeper between us since she and my father got married. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why Reed hates me so much. I was the baggage that came with my father, and I wonder if he felt like we were trying to replace the family he lost.
It’s clear now that I was a fool to come running here. I should have stayed in New York, where everyone whispers about me behind my back.
“But why does she need to ‘find herself’here? In Seattle? At myhouse?”
Because I have nowhere else to go, and I was hoping my brother would have my back, I want to say, but I keep my mouth shut.
“Yes, I know she’s my—I wasn’t going to say evil! I was just going to saystepsister.”
Ah, yes. Always adding thestepin there, just to rub it in my face that we aren’treallyfamily in his eyes. I get it—he was grown and already in the NHL when our parents met. But he wasn’t around to see their love blossom, to watch two broken people find each other and heal. He missed all that.
I didn’t. I saw it all. I was there. We’re family, and Angie feels like my family just as much as he does.
“Fine.” He sighs. “But, Mom, Auden’s due any day now. We have a baby coming. I can’t…I can’t babysit her, all right? I can’t be her caretaker. If she’s really here to figure her life out,sheneeds to figure it out. I can’t do it for her.”
He isn’t wrong, but it doesn’t mean his words hurt any less. It’s nothing I haven’t been telling myself, though. It’s why I’m here: to figure my life out on my own for the first time. I just need a little help to get me started.
I know I should have thought this through more, but thinking was sort of the last thing on my mind in the moment. I just needed gone, and I needed gone fast, so Seattle it was. I knew someone here. I had a place to go. I wouldn’t be alone.
But now, as I step closer to the kitchen and look at Reed’s face as he ends the call with his mother, I’m beginning to believe I was mistaken on that. Springing this on him wasn’t the best idea, but I didn’t tell anyone about this trip aside from my dad and Angie, and that’s only because my dad needed to hire a new assistant with me leaving.
My brother pinches the bridge of his nose as his fiancée comes around the island to rub his tense shoulders. It’s real moments like this that almost make me forget she’s a billionaire who was once a powerhouse in the hotel industry. She’s so down to earth. So…normal.
“You okay?” Auden asks.
