Page 36 of Top Shelf
He nods, accepting my answer, then points at the three different kinds of burgers he got, explaining the difference in each one. I settle on the cheeseburger, unwrap it, and dig in, acutely aware of Gavin watching me the whole time.
“Well?” he asks after I take my first bite.
“You’re right,” I say, dabbing at my lips with the napkin clutched in my other hand. “This burger is somehow the most basic thing I’ve ever had and also quite possibly one of the most delicious. Or maybe I’m just really hungry. I can’t tell.”
“It’s always a little bit of both. It’s witchcraft. Or science. I can’t really determine which. I just know I come here way more often than the team dietitian appreciates. But that can be our little secret.”
He winks at me, and dammit if that small gesture doesn’t hit right between my legs. So do his words.Our little secret.This isn’t the only secret we share, and the reality of that settles over us as we continue eating our burgers and fries in silence.
Awkwardsilence.
I hate it. I hate that once upon a time it was so easy with him, and now everything is so strained. It’s my fault, though. I was the one who ran, and in a way, I enforced a no-contact rule by not even giving him a chance to try to keep in touch. This awkwardness is all my doing, and I don’t know how to fix it.
“So,” Gavin starts after consuming three burgers and half his fries. “What brings you to Seattle?”
I inhale steadily, clutching my chocolate shake tighter as if I’m holding on to it for emotional support. In this moment, I just might be.
“My ex-husband is having a baby with the woman he cheated on me with.”
His eyes widen in shock, a bit of vanilla milkshake sputtering from the corner of his lips. He drags the back of his hand across his mouth. “Sorry about that. I just didn’t…”
“Expect that?” I laugh, but there’s no humor behind it. “Yeah, me either. But whatever, you know? I mean, he is myex-husband. I no longer have any claim over him. He can do what he wants. He can?—”
“Stop, stop, stop.” Gavin waves his hand. “He was your husband. At one point, he made vows to you and broke them. Now, someone else is getting the life you were promised. It’s okay to be mad. It’s okay to grieve what you lost, Nessa.”
Tears spring to my eyes, and I will myself not to cry in front of him again. I need to be stronger than that, even if his words are something I needed to hear far more than I realized.
“Thank you.” I clear my throat, blinking back the tears. I sit up straighter. “Anyway, maybe that’s why I don’t seem as cheerful as you’d imagine.”
“Of course not. How can you be? Nobody would be happy about this.”
“What about you? Are you happy?”
His mouth opens, then snaps just as quickly. “On paper, yeah. Outside of that? I’m not so sure. A lot is hanging on this season, and I’m not exactly sure I’m prepared for it. Then, of course, there’s that little issue with…”
“Us,” I finish for him.
He swallows roughly. “Yeah. That.” He runs his hand over his jaw, scratching at the hair I know feels good between my thighs. I squeeze them together at the reminder. “Look?—”
“Let’s just forget about it,” I rush out, cutting him off.
His dark brows turn inward, lips pinching together tightly. He almost looks mad, perhaps even a little offended. But just as quickly as the look appears, it passes.
“I mean, besides, what are we going to do about it now? It happened so long ago, and it’s not like we knew about ourmutual friend.”
His lips pull into a grin. “I’d love to hear Hutch’s reaction to you calling him your friend.”
“He’d probably deny it, then Auden would say something wise, and he’d apologize. Rinse and repeat of the last week. Anyway, the point is… Well, what is the point? I just movedacross the country for a fresh start, and you just said you need to focus on the season. It’s not like we’re trying to jump into something or reignite whatever spark we had that night. It happened, and now we move on like adults, right?”
He nods a few times, considering. “Right,” he agrees, extending his hand between us. “Friends?”
“Friends,” I repeat, slipping my palm against his.
When I do, there’s something there. A flicker. A burst of lightning. Something I can’t quite describe. It doesn’t go away, especially when he slides his thumb back and forth gently, caressing my skin, almost like he’s trying to imprint its feel into his mind.
It certainly doesn’t feel like we’re just friends…and I’m not too sure I want it to.
CHAPTER 9
