Page 52 of Top Shelf
“Gavin? You there, son?”
I shake my head as my dad’s voice breaks through the memory.
“Yeah, sorry,” I say. “Sorry, just got distracted by…traffic.”
Great. Now I’m not only lying to myself but my parents, too.
“You think I’m making a big mistake, don’t you?”
“No, dear,” my mother says. “You can’t be making a mistake if you’re trying to help someone.”
I smile. Of course she would think of it that way.
“However,” she continues, and the smile drops from my face instantly. “It’s certainly not the brightest idea you’ve ever had.”
My dad makes a disgruntled noise. “I’d say.”
“Lars!” my mother admonishes.
“Dolly!” Dad fires back, and I grin.
My mother’s name is Ruth, which is a far cry from Dolly. Neither my siblings nor I know when or why my father started calling her Dolly, but it makes us laugh either way. It’s an inside joke they share, and it always makes me smile whenever I hear it.
Maybe that’s why I have never settled down in the past. Maybe it’s because I’m looking for something like what myparents have—that all-consuming, unconditional love that lasts for years and years. Yeah, something like that doesn’t sound bad at all.
“Look, all I’m saying is the boy is supposed to be focusing on the upcoming season. He’s the one who’s been worried about not getting another contract. This is a bit of a distraction, no?”
“No, not a distraction,” I say. “She’s just a friend. What happened was in the past. We’ve moved on.”
Even as I say the words, I don’t believe them. Nessa is one hundred percent a distraction. She’sbeena distraction since April. And as sweet as my mom is for her reassurance, she’s wrong. I am making a mistake, but for some reason, I can’t stop myself.
I wish I had an answer for why I’m doing this, why I’m risking everything I’ve been working so hard for. People don’t realize that when you reach a certain age in the NHL, it’s easy to find yourself sitting on the bench over and over again until it becomes clear they don’t need you at all. At that point, one of two things happens: you get sent back down to the AHL, or you are not offered a contract and are forced to “respectfully retire.” I don’t know which of those is more embarrassing, but I don’t want either to happen to me. When I call it quits, I want to do so on my terms, not anyone else’s. All of that is on the line by letting Nessa into my life like this.
“Well, we trust you, son,” my dad says. “We know you’ll do the right thing for you, whatever that looks like. If you say this girl needs your help, she needs your help, no matter the history you two have. You just keep your chin up and keep focused on your career, and whatever else happens, happens.”
“Thanks,” I tell him. “I appreciate it, Pop.”
“We love you!” my mom calls out.
“I love you guys, too. I’m pulling into the parking lot now. Talk to you later.”
We end the call, and I pull into my favorite spot. I sigh, dropping my head back against the headrest. Somehow, I have to go out there on the ice and act like I didn’t just invite my captain’s sister to live with me. Thank fuck Hutch isn’t going to be here today, not with him and Auden just having the baby yesterday. I have some time to figure out how I’m going to tell him about Nessa.
Before she left, we made a plan for her to move in two days from now. The Serpents are starting this season with a three-game road trip, so it gives her a little time to settle in without me there to make things awkward. Plus, I have time to order another bed since I really wasn’t kidding about not having another one. It’s just something I never got around to. Whenever I want to see my family, I’m the one who goes to visit them. It’s easier that way with all my siblings having so many kids between them. That’s too many schedules to try to figure out.
When I realize I’ve been stewing for far too long, I finally pull myself out of the car and head into the rink. Maybe this is just what I need, a few hours out on the ice to clear my head. Something else to focus on. Something not blonde. Something that doesn’t make my heart race because of the simplest things. I wave at a few of our trainers and staff as I walk through the halls to the locker room. Several of the guys are already gathered in there, getting ready for a training session, including Fox and Keller.
“Hey, man,” Fox says as I tug my shirt over my head. “What a night, huh?”
I know instantly what he’s talking about—Hutch and Auden. Not that I would ever bring this up to him, but Hutch texted the group chat almost immediately after Auden gave birth. We were the first people he wanted to share it with, and dammit if that doesn’t intensify my guilt.
“Still can’t believe Hutch is a father,” Keller says.
“He’s going to be good at it, too. You should’ve seen him on the way to the hospital. He was a wreck, but in a good way. I think anyone who is worried that much about being a good parent is going to be one.”
“Man, these last few years have been weird, huh?” Fox comments.
He can say that again. So many people falling in love and starting new chapters in their lives, and here I am, clinging to a one-night stand from months ago.
