Page 58 of Top Shelf
“Yes, but it was the combination. Those steamed green beans were perfect with the wontons.”
“Guess I need to add ‘excellent at ordering Chinese food’ to my résumé. Maybe it’ll get me somewhere other than slinging drinks at Top Shelf.”
“How’s that going, by the way?”
“What? The bar?” He nods. “I don’t know. It’s fine, I guess. It’s not exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but maybe that’s a good thing. The other plans I had didn’t quite work out either, so why not shift goals entirely?”
“You don’t want a studio anymore?”
His words surprise me. I mentioned that to him once, and that was months ago in New York. How could he possibly remember that?
“You… You remember that?”
He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Got a good memory.”
But I don’t think that’s the case at all. The butterflies I felt in that bar with Gavin make themselves known, letting me know they’re still there and aren’t going anywhere. I’m not quite sure how to feel about that, so I ignore them.
“I haven’t painted in a long, long time. Maybe that dream is for the old me.”
“And you don’t think the old you is still inside you?”
“Sometimes I hope she isn’t.”
“Why?”
“I…” I settle back against the couch. “I don’t know. There are times when I’m not exactly proud of who I used to be. I could be mean, and I was certainly selfish. I spent a lot of my time trying to be this version of myself I thought the world wanted. I thought if I had a fancy car and a big house and the perfect partner, I was untouchable. And maybe for a while I was. Then everything came crashing down, and I wasn’t just mean—I wascruel. To everyone. My dad and my stepmom, even when they let me stay at their place during those first few weeks after I found out about Neal. I was rude to Reed and Auden when they came for Christmas. I still can’t believe they took me in when I just showed up on their doorstep. And I was certainly vicious to Neal’s mistress.”
“Well, I mean, all things considered…”
“She didn’t deserve that, though. She was a victim like I was. He was her boss. He had power over her. He was the one breaking a promise to someone else. No matter how you look at it, he was the one to blame. I got them both fired from their jobs with the video.”
Gavin sits forward. “Video? What video?”
“Oh, I didn’t tell you? Not only did I find out my husband was cheating on me, I had video evidence to really hammer it home.” I laugh, but it’s hollow. “I guess one of the times they got frisky on his desk, he accidentally started recording, and it saved to the cloud account we shared. Imagine my surprise when I went looking for some wedding photos. I was going to have them printed and blown up to hang in our bedroom for our six-month anniversary. Instead, I found the video.”
The dull ache I’ve had in my chest since that day makes itself known, but it’s nowhere near as strong as it once was. Call it growth or letting go or whatever; I’m grateful for it. It gives me a bit of hope that I won’t always be so broken.
When Gavin doesn’t say anything, I dare a glance over at him. His jaw is clenched tightly, and his usually bright hazel eyes have darkened.
“Gavin?”
“Do you want me to kill him?”
I laugh, then laugh some more. Then I realize he isn’t laughing too.
“Come on. You can’t be serious,” I say.
“I am. I’m dead serious. Do you want me to kill him? I don’t know how I’d do it, but I’d do it.”
I chuckle again. “While that is very sweet of you, no, I don’t want you to kill him. I, uh, I kind of like having you around, and prison really isn’t my scene.”
His features soften almost instantly, and he relaxes against the couch once more.
“Thank you for offering, though.”
“Any time.” He throws me a wink. “So, about this whole you-not-painting-anymore thing…have you tried it lately?”
I shake my head. “No, but then again, I haven’t had a lot of time. This move was very spur of the moment, so getting settled has been consuming all my energy.”
