Page 99 of Top Shelf
“When did you do all this?”
“I snuck stuff in while you were at work and stayed up late after games.”
He sacrificed his sleep for me? His game?
It makes me feel so damn lucky and absolutely horrible for thinking the worst of him.
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly.
“Why?”
“Because I…” I wring my hands. “I thought… I don’t know what I thought, okay? I just felt like you were hiding something from me, and I didn’t like it.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t apologize, Nessa. Iwashiding something from you.”
“Yeah, but it was something sweet. That’s different.”
“No, it’s not. Not when you have the kind of past you do. I mean, that is where your mind went, right?”
I nod, hating the emotion that clogs in my throat. “Yeah.”
“I get it, and it’s fair. I should have told you I was working on something and asked you to keep out instead of just locking the door.”
“But—”
“No,” he says, pushing off the door and crossing the room to me. “No, nobuts. That was my bad. Nessa?” He ducks his head to look me right in the eyes. “I’m not Neal. I’m not going to hurt you like he did. I…” He pauses, running his tongue over his lips. “I’m just not going to hurt you, okay?”
Something tells me that’s not what he was going to say, but I don’t question him. I’m too damn mortified by my behavior and too damn happy about my new art room.
“I know,” I tell him, meaning it. “I know.”
“Good.” He rises to his full height. “Now, how about we christen your new chair?”
He bounces his brows, squeezing my ass, and I laugh. Then I’m not laughing at all because he kisses me, and it turns serious very quickly. He strips me out of my clothes, and I do the same to him, then push him back until he falls onto the chair. I climb over him, and we both groan as I sink onto his cock.
“Fuck,” he hisses. “God, I missed you.”
I laugh as I lift my hips, riding him slowly. “You just saw me this morning.”
“It wasn’t enough, imagine that.”
But I don’t have to imagine it. I know exactly what he’s talking about. I missed him too, and I fear that may always be the case. We started this as fun, but it’s become so much more than that. I didn’t want it to. I didn’t want this to mean anything at all. I just wanted to feel like I did in New York, but now… Now, I feel taken care of. I feel cared for. I feel cherished.
I feel…loved.
Fuck, I feel so damn loved, and it’s scary as hell. I can’t feel loved because that would mean… That would mean I love him too, and that’s not possible. I cannot love Gavin Whitlocke. I can’t love anyone ever again. I’m too broken. I’m too much.
You’re not too much, Nessa. You’re just enough for me.
His words from before slip into my mind, and I squeeze my eyes shut against them.
“Look at me,” Gavin says, like he knows what I’m trying to do.
I peel them back open, meeting his heated stare.
“There she is,” he murmurs, and I swear he’s not just looking at me as I ride him.
He’s lookingintome. Every part, even the dark and ruined ones. He’s looking at everything I’ve been through, from losing my mom at a young age and the heartbreak that came with that, to what happened with Neal and all the damage after. He’s looking at me like he loves me, and just like that, I’m hanging on the edge with just my fingertips, and if I don’t come soon, I might lose it. I know Gavin feels the same way.
