Page 104 of Top Shelf
“What?” He rears his head back like I’ve just hit him. “She thinks that? I don’t…I don’t hate her. I just don’t… Fuck, I guess I just don’t really know her.”
“You never gave her a chance. You wrote her off the second she stepped into your life. Why?”
“I…”
He’s at a complete loss, having no answer for that, and I watch as it dawns on him that he truly doesn’t know his own sister.
“Fuck,” he mutters, stumbling back and dropping into a stall. “I really did that, didn’t I? I didn’t even put up a fight when she said she was moving. I just told her bye. Didn’t even question it. Didn’t eventhinkabout checking the place out for myself. I’m…” He scrubs a hand over his face. “I’ve held her at arm’s length this entire time, and even when she came to me to mend things, I couldn’t be bothered.” He shakes his head like he’s disgusted with himself. “I’m a fucking dick.”
“You really are,” I agree.
I look over at the guys, who are watching all this unfold. I nod toward the door, telling them to get lost. They do, minus Keller. He pauses in the doorway, then turns to face Hutch.
“I knew,” he confesses, and dammit, I respect the guy just a little more for that. He’s doing the one thing I couldn’t do—being honest with him.
Hutch’s jaw drops. “Dideveryoneknow?”
“I did,” Fox says, popping his head back into the room.
“What?” Hutch and I say at the same time.
The goalie shrugs. “I got the feeling something had happened between you two when she first arrived. You got really pale, and it was obvious you were into her.”
“For the record, I knew nothing,” Hayes says, his head appearing right beside Fox’s.
“Me either,” Lawson adds, jumping over them to indicate who’s talking, as if we didn’t know. “But now I know”—another jump—“and this gossip issogood.” Jump. “Can I tell Rory?”
“No!” we all shout at the same time.
“Boo!” he says, still bouncing up and down.
“Go away. All of you. I’ll deal with you later, Keller.”
He doesn’t even make a smartass comment, just nods and shoves the other guys out of the way. Then it’s me and Hutch. He turns to me, his eyes still heated but not nearly as incensed as they were.
“So you love her, huh?”
I sigh and drop into the stall next to him, nodding. “Yeah, man. I really fucking do. I don’t know when it happened, but it did, and I don’t regret it. I wish I did, because it would mean you’re not mad at me, and it would mean I’m not breaking that unspoken rule about siblings being off-limits, but fuck. I can’t, Reed. I can’t regret it. I love her too much to.”
“Good. Don’t. I’d be pissed if you did.”
The guilt that’s been weighing me down since Nessa came to town slithers away, and while I’m still worried Hutch might clock me at any moment, I feel okay. Also, Ireallyfeel like I want to see Nessa. I want to tellherhow I feel. She deserves to know, even if she doesn’t feel the same way. I hope like hell she does, but if she doesn’t, I’ll wait.
I don’t think I have any other choice.
“All right,” Hutch says after several quiet minutes. “Tell me everything.”
So, we sit in stalls that aren’t ours, and I start from the very beginning.
CHAPTER 22
VANESSA
I’ve kept one eye on the door for the past hour, waiting for Gavin to walk into Top Shelf after that win, but I’m starting to think he’s not going to show.
I’d understand if he didn’t. I’m sure he’s tired and likely ready for a hot meal and a nap. But he’s never not called or texted me back, and worry is starting to sit heavily in my stomach. I check my phone again and frown when I find nothing. I pour another beer for Sid, one of our regulars, and that itch that’s been nagging at me since I started drawing again comes back. I wish I had a pen or pencil so I could sketch this moment, do anything to take my mind off why Gavin isn’t here.
But I don’t, so I go back to staring and willing the door to open and him to step through and give me one of those smiles I love so much. Twenty minutes later, the door opens, and in steps a tall hockey player.
