Page 157 of The King's Man
“But—”
“Wemuststay together. If at any point if you’re discovered I have to be there to claim you.”
“But how can I help you by shadow walking if I can only walk where you are?!”
“We’ll figure it out.”
“Jann—”
“Please, Diadre. We are better together. Stronger together. If someone attacks or there’s a threat, by all means walk the shadows and elude our enemies. But please… don’t get it into your pretty little head that you can spy for me in that place. Who knows what powers the Fallen have or how they might come at us. All we can guard against is the Neph, and to keep them at bay, youmustbe in my presence.”
“God, I hate your culture,” I muttered.
“Frankly, so do I,” he said flatly. “But I am only one man. Even Melek, if he takes the throne in truth, will struggle to shift all our traditions in the short term. My people take their practices from the Fallen—and that should tell you something about how depravedtheyare.”
“God, that makes me think about Istral and…” I shivered, imagining her fear and wanted to weep.
Jann sighed and held me tighter. “I fear for her as well. Her and Gall—my heart aches at the thought of what they may have faced. Even if they aren’t dead, we can free them… God, it doesn’t bear thinking about.”
He sighed and rubbed his face again, and even though I was sick inside at the subject, there was also a sweet, lovely warm flutter in my chest seeing him so… compassionate.
“I never imagined you like this,” I whispered, looking up at him.
He dropped his hand from his face, frowning and looked down at me again. “Like what?”
I shrugged, feeling a little shy. “I suppose it’s thoughtfulness? For a long time you seemed untouched by whatever happened around us.”
A strange expression came over his face then and he tipped his head. “I’ve never been untouched. Only… I’m not even certain how to put it into words, but… I feel as if with you I can be both strong and weak. The women I’ve been close to before have needed my protection, and I’ve always felt that any revelation of fear or weakness would frightenthem.”
I thought about that—warmed by his confidence in me, but also uncomfortable knowing he’d had women in his life he’dconsiderbeing vulnerable with. And yet, something about his words rang true for me as well… but in reverse.
“It’s strange,” I said carefully, “But I feel like… with men before… I had to hide my strength. As if they needed me to need them in ways I… didn’t need them.”
Both of us were quiet for a long time then.
I thought he’d gone to sleep, and my mind drifted back to the men who’d shared my bed at different times in my life. They seemed very distant now, as if Jann’s bulk shielded me from thefear and frustration they’d caused, and for the first time that I could remember, I could look back on those memories withoutfeelingthem.
But then Jann spoke and it was as if the conversation had never paused.
“Dee, if any of those men ever show their faces again, please do me the honor of pointing them out. I find I would quite like to meet them.”
“Trust me, you wouldn’t. Some of them are good soldiers, but they aren’t good men—”
“If they aren’t good men, they aren’t good soldiers, only skilled fighters, and those are not the same thing. You, Dee,” he put his finger under my chin and pulled it up, making me meet his eyes.“Youare a good soldier. A good, well,man,”he huffed. “And if another man exists who made you less… I want to disabuse him of the idea so he might learn from his mistake.”
I smiled. “That’s what you don’t understand, Jann. You’ve already done that… by being the bigger man—in every way possible, I might add.”
His grin grew wicked, but soon faded and he sighed. He leaned down to kiss me briefly, then relaxed back into the hammock.
“We should rest,” he said shortly.
“I know.”
“And pray.”
I snorted. “Always.”
“No, Dee, I mean it. The deeper we walk into this, the more I fear it is only by God’s grace that we’ll both survive it. And I find I amveryinvested in making that happen.”
