Page 52 of The King's Man
“Say what you fear,” he said simply.Tenderly.Every hair on the back of my neck stood up.
“What does it matter—”
“Say it, Diadre.”
“Why?!”
“Because the first step back to finding your courage is admitting that you have a flaw or a weakness. Do it. Say it.”
“I don’t see how—”
His fist thudded on the table and the plates and cutlery banged. I startled and shoved out of my chair so fast it fell over backwards and I almost tripped on it.
“I can’t… You’re not—” I panted, shaking. I couldn’t believe that in the face of this he’d decided I should be frightened further?
“Diadre, look at me.”
“I can’t do what you’re saying. I didn’t lose my nerve tofight.I lost the fight itself! If it weren’t for you—”
“Precisely my point,” he said. But instead of smug, the words weresad?“Now… tell me what you fear.”
“But—”
“Diadre, please. Please… humor me… say the words out loud.”
I stood there, trembling, gaping at him—his gaze pleading back. The light from the lanterns casting deep shadows in his cheeks and around his eyes and making him look even stronger. Even larger. He was still sitting at that damn table.
I swallowed hard. “I am…”
He went still, stopped breathing.
I wanted to slap myself. Why was it so hard to say? It was only words! “I am afraid of these Nephilim men.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid that they’ll rape me. Afraid I might not anticipate how they can reach me. Afraid I’ll lose myself to them. I’d rather die than be violated that way.”
He slumped and nodded, leaning forward, gripping the table. “Diadre, are you afraid of me?”
I blinked and opened my mouth—but had to stop and think. And my conclusion drew tears to my eyes. “I… no.” I breathed. “No, Jann. I’m not afraid of you.”
Hesmiledlike I’d pleased him.
“Good. Because you have no need to be. When I said I learned what is worth fighting for, I also learnedwhois worth fighting for. There are men in my ranks who could walk into theabyss and I would merely wave them goodbye. When I fight for others, it is by the same measure—what is worth dying for.”
Those words were like a spear through my ribs. “Why?”
“Because the question is the same, is this person valuable enough to risk—”
“No, no, I understand the principle,” I said breathlessly. “I meant… why would you fight forme?”
Jann went very still, his eyes locked on mine. Neither of us moved. I could feel the words building in him.
He was about to say somethinglife-changing.I knew it like I knew my own reflection in a mirror. He opened his mouth and I leaned forward to catch it—but suddenly his eyes shuttered and he turned away, clearing his throat.
“You are my Queen’s dearest friend, my King’s ally in a people who do not know him, and you have proven your capability—plus, you saved my life once already. It was an easy decision,” he said darkly. But he was no longer looking at me.
And even though those words wereexactlythe reason I’d given my whole life to being a soldier and earning my stripes, the very thing I wantedeveryman to see in me, for some reason they felt… inadequate. I slumped and turned away to pick up the chair and set it back on its feet to give me something to do.
