Page 18 of The King's Man
I landed so hard—and with his weight on me—I was knocked silly for a moment. But when I blinked and saw straight again, he was over me, teeth bared, both my wrists manacled in his, his body pinning mine to the floor in an awful parody of the ways he’d seduced me in the past.
“Do you see, Diadre?” he growled, blood seeping down his cheek and smeared under his nose from the wounds I’d given him. “Do you see why you will never be trusted in battle?” He held me there and his eyes narrowed. “Stupid. Fucking.Cunt.”
He thrust his hips once—we were both fully clothed, but I cried out, because he was hard, and the fear that he’d—
“You will never be a soldier, Diadre. You don’t have the equipment. That is something you can only gain from a man,” he said hoarsely.
He stared down at me, eyes fevered and hair sticking in all directions. Sweat and blood trickling down his face. Still, he held me there, and no matter how I struggled, I couldn’t get loose.
Fear sang through my veins. Would he attack me? Rape me?
He leaned down until I felt the patter of a blood drop on my cheek. “You did this,” he hissed. “You destroyed this. Don’t come crawling back to me when you realize I only spokethe truth.”
Then he shoved up and away, letting me go, pushing to his feet, wiping his face and swearing again when he saw the blood. But he didn’t stop. Just kept wiping it away and cursing as he straightened and prepared to climb down the ladder to the barn below.
He left me without a backward glance. Laying there in the half-light of the loft feelingsaturatedin shame.
He’d overpowered me so easily… so he’d only ever toyed with me in training? Let me dominate? Fooled me about his admiration?
Did Jhonas do that too?
Was I a joke? A child believing they could become a fairy?
I sucked in a breath and shook my head, pushed away the dark memories and reminded myself that was a decade ago. I was no longer that young, naïve girl. But I had to grit my teeth against the churning self-loathing of my younger self, and blink away tears from the heartbroken compassion of my present-self for the young woman who’d been so badly misused.
The woman who believed him, and almost gave up this life. This life which had been such a challenge, and still… still the life I was made for. I knew that now.
Would I ever be able to fight a warrior, pound for pound, on brute strength? No. But men came in different shapes and sizes too. And if Jhonas had insisted on anything, it was that I learn to play to my strengths and keep my enemies away from my weaknesses.
And here I was.
A Captain of the crown. A leader of men. A true soldier.
Also alone,that little voice in the back of my head whispered so I cursed under my breath.
Alone was… unavoidable.
I enjoyed men. I enjoyed sex. Even after that show from Walt and the shaky uncertainty I’d walked in for a good year afterwards, I’d learned to carry myself… perhaps not as Jhonas could. But with my own authority.
And the stronger and more skilled I became, the more weak men were intimidated by me, and strong men wanted to possess me.
And they’d sometimes grow aggressive—even violent—when they couldn’t subjugate me.
I’d gained a reputation for being what the soldiers called,a ball-buster.I’d put more than one drunk man on the street in the infirmary for misjudging my capabilities.
I no longer had to worry about Shadekin men deciding they could overpower me. I’d proven myself. I was allowed to live and be and fight.
I hadn’t felt that kind of uncertainty or… or weakness for years now. Until the arrival of the Neph.
As Jann pushed past me on his horse and into a gallop, I kicked my mare to follow. But that quavering uncertainty rode in my veins.
Fighting the Nephilim had been nothing short of terrifying. If I hadn’t had Jannus at my back for the majority of that clash, I would not have survived it. I had no qualms about admitting that. A stronger enemy was a stronger enemy. Someone always won.
But then, if I hadn’t been there, Jann might not have made it, either, even with all his strength.
That was the point: A soldier’s life was more than brute strength. It was skill, and cunning, and instinct. And so far… so far I had survived it. More than survived. I hadthrived.
Yet, I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if our peoples were thrown together in truth. If this peace that Melek and Yilan aimed for was actually achieved.
