Page 11 of Six Steps to Happiness
If it was forgiveness he was after, he wasn’t going to get it.
“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. It just did.”
Ronnie scoffed. He sounded exactly like his fancy woman.
“And you were right in what you said, I should have talked, been honest about how I was feeling.”
Ronnie wasn’t about to disagree.
“I should have confided inyou, not Gaye.”
Ronnie flinched at the sound of that name leaving his lips. She scowled. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
Nick’s shoulders dropped. “You have every right to be angry. And if I could turn back the clock I would.”
Nick might claim to regret his actions, but as far as Ronnie was concerned, that didn’t make them any less hurtful. She scrutinised his face, wondering why the sudden need to apologise. The way he was talking, anyone would think he was hoping to move back in. All at once, her chest felt light. Was that what he was telling her? That he’d made a huge mistake?
“The last thing I wanted was to hurt you.”
Ronnie recalled the aftermath of their wedding anniversary, how the shock of his infidelity had left her numb and dazed. She spent the first few weeks after he’d gone aimlessly wandering from room to room, insisting that Nick was having some ridiculous mid-life crisis and she’d have done anything for life to return to normal. The hours she’d spent praying for Nick to realise he’d been wrong to leave her…
And suddenly there he was, saying the things she’d hoped he’d say, causing her mind to race as she tried to make sense of everything. She took in his sheepishness once more, wondering if she could forgive him his transgression and try again. After all, no matter how many wishes a person made, no-one ever really knew how they’d react to a situation until they were in it.
She knew that in some ways taking him back would be easy. She’d have no money worries, there’d be no more lonely nights in front of the TV, and no starting over with someone else. She might not be ready for that quite yet, but a future without Nick meant rejoining the dating game at some point, the one prospect of singledom that freaked out Ronnie the most. The only man she’d ever known in the bedroom department was the one stood in front of her.
As sorry as Nick might look and sound, Ronnie knew life wasn’t quite that simple. After all, could she really ever trust him again? Was the man before her worth that kind of effort? Or, thanks to his adultery, was their marriage forever irreparable?
She took a deep breath, realising she had her answer. “It’s too late, Nick.”
“Too late?” He looked confused, as if that was the last thing he expected to hear.
Ronnie almost felt sorry for Nick and his misplaced confidence. More than anything though, she felt annoyed. Could he really be so arrogant as to think an apology was all it took? “Look at the state of me, Nick.” She held out her arms, highlighting her physical mess. “Even you must see the damage you’ve done. And that’s only on the outside. There’s been too much upset for us to have any real chance…”
“What?” Nick’s puzzlement continued.
“Well, hasn’t there?”
“Oh Jesus,” Nick said. Running his hands through his hair, he paced up and down. He stopped. “You think I’m asking you to take me back, don’t you?”
Ronnie stared at him. “Aren’t you?” she asked, surprised he’d suggest otherwise.
“No.”
Ronnie shook her head in bemusement. “But all that stuff about wanting to turn back time? About wishing you’d done things differently?”
“I do wish I’d done things differently,” Nick said. “But that doesn’t mean I’d change the outcome.”
“Excuse me?”
With his words hanging in the air, Ronnie felt sick. How could he be so blunt? This had to be some cruel joke that she wasn’t in on.
Realisation began to dawn and with that all-too-familiar numbness enveloping her, Ronnie grabbed a chair from the table and sat down. Not only had Nick yet again made a fool of her, this time she’d helped him do it. How could she have been so stupid? “You’re here to ask for a divorce, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” Nick replied. “I am.”
Of course he was. After everything that had happened, how could she have thought anything different? “You need to leave,” she said, her voice cold.
“But…”
