Page 252 of Her Reluctant Hero
“Are you all right?”
She glanced away, not meeting his eyes. Her face was strained, her mouth tight. “I may as well tell you. Can we sit down?”
He nodded and gestured toward the table. She sat first, nearly moaning with relief at getting off her feet. He hadn’t seen her sit since the day he got here.
“You aren’t leaving Doug, are you?” he asked half-jokingly. How would he react to news that she was available again? Since Peyton had come into his life, he hardly thought of Jen at all, and no longer fantasized about finding his way back to her. Last week he might have rejoiced, maybe allowed Jen to suffer a bit before starting a campaign to win her back. Now, he’d probably feel sad she’d sacrificed what they had together and was unable to make her new life work, but he wouldn’t pursue the relationship again.
Damn. That was liberating.
She didn’t dignify his comment with an answer. “This is my last fire.”
“You’re leaving?”
He couldn’t keep the shock from his expression. Jen was third-generation Hot Shot, had been in fifteen years, was damn good at her job, was only about the job. She’d finally achieved everything she’d worked for. Was it because of Doug? Did she want to quit before she was fired? Why would she—?
Before he could complete the last question in his mind, he knew. She’d told him once, a long time ago, the one reason she would leave the Forest Service without a fight. She probably thought he didn’t remember. His stomach dropped, swear-to-God dropped, to the toes of his boots.
“You’re pregnant.”
He had the pleasure of seeing the surprise on her face, then the wariness, but that was the only joy he felt. She couldn’t figure out how he’d react? She wore his best friend’s ring, answered to his best friend’s name and now carried his best friend’s child.
Damn, it hurt. Knock-your-breath-out-of-your-chest kind of hurt. During their short marriage, they’d discussed children in the abstract, but the reality that she was having a child, had created a child with Doug, churned up everything inside him once again, all the old feelings, pain being the strongest of all.
He lowered his head to his hands, feeling very old and very...mortal. He knew she still had the power to hurt him, but hadn’t expected her to use the power so effectively.
Through the haze of pain, he saw her watching him hopefully. Part of him wanted her to hurt like he did, but the part that once loved her wanted her to be happy. He just couldn’t make his mouth form the words.
“Gabe, I’m sorry.”
He sensed her reaching across the table for him but couldn’t face her.
“For what?” he asked finally, dragging his hands down his face. “You got on with your life just like you wanted. You don’t need my blessing.”
“I thought it would be better if you heard it from me.”
Gabe closed his eyes. He stood, unsteady on his feet. He looked down at her, saw the girl he’d married, the girl he’d made love with, laughed with, fought with, cried over. Lost to him forever now. God. He touched her cheek and dredged up the only words he could manage.
“Take care of yourself, Jen, all right? We’re going to Missoula, see what we can find out. We’ll be back tomorrow. All right?”
But he didn’t wait for her answer before he walked away.
*****
Something was definitely wrong with Gabe. He’d fetched Peyton with little more than a “come on”, led her to a battered pickup and barely waited till she was in before he pulled out in a spray of dust.
She questioned his changed mood once they were on the road. “What is it? I thought we were waiting till tomorrow.”
“I just want to get this done so everything can get back to normal.”
Normal, as in chasing fires up a mountain. Check. “So how far to Missoula?”
“Little more than an hour.”
Plenty of time. Maybe too much. “So what is normal for you?”
He glanced over at her, but his expression was closed. “What do you mean?”
“When you’re not on a fire, what’s normal? Do you have a house in Albuquerque?”
