Page 89 of Her Reluctant Hero
“I was a drug mule for five years.”
“You—were?”
Doubt and confusion shadowed her eyes. There, if he looked close, was a bit of disgust. He focused on that.
“Where?” she asked.
“In Houston. For my mom.”
“For your mom?” Her brow furrowed. “I thought you were adopted.”
“When I was fourteen.”
The frown lines relaxed. “You were a mule for your real mom?”
“Yeah.”
He watched her reason it out.
“So you were—nine when you started?”
“More like six. I was in the system awhile before the Shepards got me.”
“Oh, Alex.” She laughed again, in relief, and wrapped her arms around his neck. “You were just a baby. You didn’t know what you were doing. You thought you were helping your mom.”
He reached up to loosen her arms, but she wouldn’t let go. He scowled, frustrated. He had to allow her to see his dark side, a side only the Shepards understood. He’d never wanted anyone else to know. Why he needed her to, well, he wasn’t sure. “I helped kill my mom. She died running from the cops when I was eleven, in a car rollover. I was in the backseat.”
“Alex.” Her voice was soft, curling around him as she curved her palms over the back of his head and looked into his eyes. “How terrible for you.”
This time he managed to get away from her, wanting some distance. “It was the best thing to ever happen to me.” He gauged her reaction to his statement. Horror, as he expected. As any loving mother would feel. “She was a whore, Bella. She sold herself, sold me, for drugs.”
He watched understanding sink in and her generous lips thinned.
“That’s why you held me so far away. You thought I was like her?”
He braced his hands against the dresser behind him. “Consider my frame of reference here.”
She twisted the damp towel around her arms. “But now you know differently.”
It was almost a question, with a hint of hope. He sucked in a breath, knowing what she wanted to hear. He wanted to say the words but knew what she would want if he said them.
Something he couldn’t give. Something he didn’t deserve.
He’d already made too much of taking them to Disney World. That was a treat for a family, and while he’d enjoy it, he’d known all the while that he’d be walking away and never see either of them again.
“I know you’re strong, and you love that kid more than anything. I know who you are.”
“But you can’t love me because of who I was.”
The pain was sharp in her voice and he moved forward, catching her wrists to force her to look at him. He waited for the fear to flash in her eyes, after what she’d endured, but there was none. Wonder filled him at that. She wasn’t afraid of him. That didn’t make what he had to say any easier.
“Because of who I was, Bella.”
She sucked in a breath. “If you can’t forgive yourself for your past, can’t see the man you’ve become, then you’ll never forgive me for mine.”
He opened his mouth, wanting to ease her pain as much as he’d wanted to return her son to her, all the while worried it was beyond his power. This was just as far beyond his power. It was best to let her believe he thought that.
“Mama?”
