Page 81 of Lone Star Longing
“And you chose Houston?” Poppy countered.
“Nobody knew there. Nobody looked at me with that pitying look, or asked me questions about what it was like, and how Con was, and how horrible it was that Claudia died. No one knew. I was anonymous.” She took a deep breath. “How could you stay? How could you deal with that every day?”
“Because we didn't have a choice,” Sofia said. “We didn't have the money to go, and we learned how to tell people to butt out.”
“And we dealt with it. We didn't run away. Con was your boyfriend. He was the one who suffered the most, and you’re the one who ran away and left him to deal with it on his own,” Poppy said.
“I was a kid. I didn't know how to deal with it. That was the only thing I knew to do. And my parents thought it was a good option, too.”
“Well, great, but don't expect us to welcome you back with open arms when you bailed when we were hurting.”
“I was hurting too. Losing Claudia broke my heart. I saw her almost every day of her life. Her loss hurt me almost as much as it hurt Con.”
“Except you weren’t the one Con’s parents blamed. You didn't live with the guilt of losing her like Con did, and you absolutely let him go through that by himself.”
“I didn't have to be on the bus that day,” Britt reminded them. “I did it to be with Con. You don't know how many times that has gone through my mind.”
“We all dealt with it differently,” Beck said, his tone soft.
“And you!” Sofia was worked up now, and spun on him. “You weren’t in the bus. You weren’t in the water. You can’t know how scared we were.”
He swallowed and shook his head, dropping his gaze to the table. He did not want to relive this, should have known it would happen with Britt back in the mix. “No, but I had my own guilt. The bus was coming for us, for our family. If it hadn’t been coming to get us, if I’d had a car that I could drive, it never would have happened.”
“What if, what if, what if.” Lacey’s voice was low. “We can ‘what if’ all day and it won’t change anything. We lived through it, we dealt with it the best we could. We all had our own issues. We can’t say that some of us had it easier than others. I mean, I agree, Con had it the worst, because he lost his sister and his parents were so torn up that they didn't handle that well. But we can’t say the rest of us didn't have trouble.”
Sofia eased a bit at that, sat back down on the bench and pulled her beer closer. “I know. I know. It’s just—she’s pissing me off.”
“No kidding.”
“I’m sorry.” Sofia’s apology was lacking, but she did meet Britt’s gaze.
“Just because I left doesn’t mean I wasn't sad. I went to therapy. I worked through a lot.”
“Again things that weren’t available to us.”
“That’s not something I can feel bad about, something I can take responsibility for. Something I learned in therapy. I can't take responsibility for being on the bus, even though it was partly my fault Con couldn't drive his truck. I can’t take responsibility that Claudia died instead of me. I can’t take responsibility for Con’s parents’ reactions. And I can’t take responsibility for your anger at me more than ten years after I left.”
“She’s standing up for Con,” Poppy said.
“I get that. But what Con needs to do is stand up for himself. That he can’t, that he won’t come here and face me, tells me all I need to know about what kind of man he’s become.”
Javi made a sound low in his throat. Lacey looked from him to the entrance to the yard of The Wheel House, where Con stood. She, too, gasped at the look of pain on his face. He’d clearly heard Britt’s words. Britt turned, too, to see him, and started to get up, but Con pivoted on his heel and marched back to his truck, parked across the street. By the time Britt freed herself from the picnic table and made it to the gate, he was roaring down the road, back to the ranch.
“Somebody should make sure he’s okay,” Britt said, her expression stricken as she turned back to the group.
“I’ll go,” Sofia volunteered, bounding off the bench.
“I’ll go,” Beck said more quietly, touching Sofia’s arm.
Sofia’s jaw set in a mutinous expression for a moment, then she nodded and took a seat. “Okay. Go. Thanks.”
Damn, Beck didn't want to leave. He liked spending time with Lacey, and he didn't get to do that much anymore. And he wanted to talk to her about his mother’s suspicion about adoption. And, hell, he might need to keep Sofia from Britt’s throat. She’d spoken the truth, something they’d felt when Britt had taken the chance to leave town, but like Britt said, a lot of time had passed. A lot had happened since.
Which was what he’d said to Con to get him to come out tonight, and then clearly Con had heard Britt’s comments.
Great. Just great.
The one person who hadn’t moved on was Con, because he hadn’t allowed himself. He thought the longer he felt guilty, the more he paid for not being able to save his sister’s life.
