Page 96 of Lone Star Longing
“I thought you were just friends.”
“I did, too. I mean, we spend a lot of time together, or we did, before he started working in the basin, but I didn't think this was going to come up.”
“I guess I’m just—why are you crying? You didn't say yes, did you?”
“No, because, I don't know. I just want to—it’s not like he’s wanting me for me. He’s wanting to take care of me. He’s asking because I’m pregnant.”
“Which is more than Jesse did,” her dad pointed out.
“”But I didn't want Jesse to ask me because I was pregnant, either.” She smoothed both hands over the curve of her belly. “I wanted him to ask me because he wanted me. Because he wanted to be with me, because he valued me. Not because he felt sorry for me. And it’s worse with Beck because....” The tears started fresh, burning her eyes, burning her throat.
“Because why?”
“Because he doesn’t have a connection with the babies. He just thinks I can’t handle it on my own and he wants to be there.”
“He wouldn't think that if he didn't care about you.”
She lifted her gaze to her father. “You want me to marry him?”
“I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do, but I don't want you to be crying that he doesn't care about you when he’s clearly worried about you and thinking about you.”
“He even said he didn't love me. He didn't think.”
“Lace, I guess I’m trying to figure out why you’re crying here. He asked you to marry him. You said no. Why are you crying?”
“He’s never even kissed me. He never even kissed me and he wanted to marry me?”
Her dad shook his head. “So...you want him to kiss you?”
She beat her hand against the arm of the couch in frustration. “Of course I want him to kiss me.”
“Is it the hormones? Is that why I’m not following here? You want him to kiss you but you don't want to marry him?”
“How can I know if I want to marry him if he hasn’t kissed me? Don't you see? I was completely blindsided. I had no idea he was thinking romantically about me, but he wasn't because he’s being practical, I think, but I don't just want to be practical, you see?”
He nodded, then shook his head. “You like him.”
“Yes.”
“You didn't know he liked you.”
“I didn't know he was thinking about staying. I always thought he was leaving, so I didn't let myself think about what it would be like if he stayed, and he said I’m part of the reason he wants to stay and build a house at his mother’s place and work in the basin and not go on the road anymore.”
“And you don't think he cares about you after he told you that?”
“Then he told me to forget all that!” Her voice rose in a wail.
Her dad shook his head and lifted his hands to his temples. “I’m feeling really stupid here right now. You like him. He likes you. I can see where you wouldn’t want to get married yet, but why are you crying?”
“Because if not for the babies, he would already be gone.”
“But he’s not gone.”
“He wouldn't have thought twice about me if not for the babies, don't you see? I want a man who wants me for myself. Not because he thinks I need him.”
“Ah.” Her dad nodded. “I do see that. But don't you think Beck is smarter than that? That he sees your value? I mean, if he wants to marry you, he’s thinking longterm. If he’s building a house here, he’s thinking permanence. And babies don't stay around forever.”
She smiled up at him through her tears. “I did.” Then she frowned. “Or are you in this together? You’re trying to marry me off so you can get rid of me.”
