Page 94 of Lone Star Longing
They walked through the gates and down the road a bit to his truck. He held the door for her and she lifted herself in, looking so right in his truck.
“If you hadn’t just told me you were staying, I would have thought you were bringing me out here to tell me goodbye,” she said as he hopped into the driver seat and turned the ignition.
“I’m bringing you out here because every time I try to talk to you lately, we get interrupted, and I need you to hear me out.” He drove past the elementary school and turned onto the highway leading to San Angelo. He didn't have a destination in mind, just wanted to talk to her. “You doing okay? I mean, with everything that’s going on?”
“I guess. I’m not as overwhelmed as I was. Dad told me I should just take it one day at a time, plan for what I can, take the rest in stride. Easier said than done,” she added with a short laugh.
“Look, Lacey, we’ve known each other a long time, though we didn't really know each other that well until lately.”
“Okay.” She dragged the word out.
“I have been thinking a lot about this since the Fourth of July, so I want you to know I’m not being rash or anything.” He turned the signal on his truck to a dirt road, pulled onto it, parked and set his flashers. “Being near my mom isn’t the only reason I want to stay in Broken Wheel. You’re part of it, too. A big part.” Damn, he’d had weeks to figure this out and he was stumbling over the words, because he wanted to get it out before they were interrupted again.
Even though they were the only people for miles.
“I think you’re pretty incredible, strong and beautiful and determined. I want to be a part of your life, and the babies’. I thought, you know, you could use the support, and I would love them just like my own.”
“What are you saying?” Her eyes were enormous in the dashboard lights, her voice shaky.
He reached across the console for her hand. “I’m saying I want to marry you.”
She didn't snatch her hand away, but he could feel the tension in her that made her think she wanted to.
“You want to what?” The last word was a screech.
God, he really hadn’t laid that out very well, had he? “I want to marry you, make sure you have everything you need. You and the babies.”
“Beck, you barely know me. We’ve never even kissed. You don't love me.”
“I think I might.”
She went completely still before she pushed the passenger door open and hopped out onto the dirt road.
He scrambled out and stood in front of her by the time she got the door closed.
The wind wiped her hair into her face and she slapped it away as she glared up at him. “I don't need to be rescued, Beck Conover. I don't need your pity. We don't need your pity. I can do just fine on my own.I have my dad as backup, but I got myself into this, and I’m taking the responsibility for it.” She clapped both hands to her head to hold her hair back as she scowled up at him. “This is what you came up with when you thought I was going to give them up for adoption, isn’t it?”
He shouldn’t have told her he had worried about that. And she hadn’t heard him say he might love her? He wished he was sure, but he wasn't going to start their marriage off by lying to her.
“I think we’d be good together. We get along really well, we have a lot in common. I’m ready to settle down.”
She was shaking her head. “This is just your nature. You rescued me before and now you’re wanting to rescue me again.”
“It is not the same thing at all. Yes, I want to take care of you and make your life easier, but it’s not a rescue. Do you think I think I won’t get anything out of it?”
Now she looked mad enough to spit. “Jesus, Beck.”
“Not sex. I mean, yes, I hope someday we will get to that point, to make love, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I mean, you know how many girlfriends I’ve had? Two. Two girlfriends. In all the other girls I’ve met, I’ve never found anyone who I had so much in common with as you.”
“How can you say that? I’ve never gone anywhere—going to San Antonio was an adventure for me. I’m not as smart as you. What do we possibly have in common?”
“Okay, maybe having something in common isn’t the right thing. Maybe having rapport is more what I mean. You’re so easy to talk to, and I love to hear you laugh, and Jesus, Lace, when we go anywhere, I look for you first because you’re the one I want to spend time with. You’re the reason I come into town on Sundays, that I have been taking my time rebuilding Mom’s house. Just so I can see you, so I can hear your voice, hear your laugh. One of the best days of my life was when we went to Fort Clark, just because I loved watching you having fun.” Christ,washe in love with her? Because that description sure sounded like it.
And she was staring at him, shaking her head. “I’m really glad we started talking about this before you started building your house, because if you’re building it for me, you just....shouldn’t.”
His chest was starting to ache. What had he expected her reaction to be, really? He had kind of screwed up this whole proposal. He wished he could turn back time and start over again.
Maybe he could.
