Page 90 of Tumbleweed Temptation
“I mean a lot of patients dropped me this past week.”
Mr. McKay grunted and nodded. “That baby.”
Austin blew out a long breath. “I’ve gone over it a hundred times in my head. What could I have done differently. And I have a hundred different answers. It’s one thing that the people have lost faith in me, you know? But she lost her baby. A baby she’s wanted for years.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
Austin wanted to tell the man he was ready to pack his bags and head out, loan be damned. He wanted that with his heart and soul. Get out of this damned place, start all over again. No memories. No mistakes. A fresh start.
“There’s nothing I can do. I have to live with my mistake.”
“Was it a mistake?”
God, Austin didn't want to admit a mistake. Not to this man. “I could have kept a closer eye on her. She told me she was high-risk. I knew she was. I thought I was doing okay, that she was past the danger. But she wasn't and now she’s burying her baby.”
The tears that rose in his throat, choking his words, horrified him.
As did the weight of the older man’s hand on his shoulder.
“This is going to be the hardest thing she’s ever faced,” Mr. McKay said, his hand falling away after a moment. “But it isn’t the hardest you’re going to face. Man up, go to the funeral, face her. Let her get in your face if she needs to. This is her sorrow. Let her get through it the way she needs to. Some day she’ll know peace, but it won’t be for a long time, and then, she’ll likely be a better person than me, and apologize.”
Austin braced himself. He’d been a punching bag before, when he was a kid, a kid who’d just lost his mother. He didn't want to be a punching bag again. But Mr. McKay was right. Mrs. Bryant was the one suffering. The least Austin could do was relieve that.
“What I’m saying, son, is I did wrong by you when your mother died. I was swallowed by my own pain and lashing out like a wild animal. And I let it go on too long, and I let other people pile on. I should never have let you know how angry I was.”
“You shouldn’t have been angry at my mother.” Austin’s voice was tight.
“She was the adult.”
“She did the right thing. If the district would have canceled school sooner, we all would have been safe. She was doing her job.” What kind of bullshit apology was this, anyway?
“It’s hard for me to forgive.”
“Right, because that would mean you were wrong,” Austin shot back. Man, he hadn’t realized this wound was so open.
The older man was silent for a bit, and for a moment, Austin wondered if Mr. McKay would set him on the side of the road and leave him here.
“She was the light of my life,” he said instead.
At first, Austin thought he meant his mother, but no. He was talking about his daughter. “They talk about fathers and daughters, you know, ‘Daddy’s little girl,’ but she was that. She was completely that. I was her hero and she was my shadow. She loved the horses, loved the ranch, loved everything I loved, because I loved it. And I was so proud of that. So proud. Too proud.” He drew a deep breath. “I thought it would always be that way, that she’d grow up and help with the ranch she loved so much, that we’d be partners, that we would work together for the success of the ranch. I didn't even let myself think that she might one day get married and have kids of her own because I was so ready for that life that we were going to share.
“Then Con messed up. He wasn't even that late that night. Fifteen minutes? Half an hour? But he’d gotten so cocky, I was ready to take him down a peg. So I took his truck away.”
Austin wasn't prepared for the sympathy that washed through him. “You can’t know that Con wouldn't have had the same problem.”
Mr. McKay shook his head vehemently. “No, he didn't go that way. He took the highway. He would have been fine, Claudia would have been fine.”
“My mother would still be dead.”
“I mean, maybe not. She wouldn't have picked up my kids, or Britt. She might have gone a different way. The whole world would be different for us today.”
“But that’s not what happened,” Austin said. “What happened is what happened. We were on the bus. All of us. People died. My mother was blamed for it, by the entire town, thanks to you.” Sympathy was gone.
“I’m just trying to explain to you why I acted the way I did. I just want you to know I wish I would have acted different. I don't know if I could have. But I wish I would have.”
Well. That was probably as close to an apology as Austin was ever going to get. He didn’t even know how to accept it. He just nodded, grateful that they were entering San Angelo now.
“You’re going to want to take a right at the light.”
