Page 44 of The Playboy and the Widow
Diana lowered her gaze, and her hands tightened around the mug. “I wish I could be different for you, but I can’t.”
“You wanted me. I knew that almost from the first.”
She still did, but that didn’t alter her feelings. “Unfortunately I need something more than magic.”
“What?” If he could give it to her, he would.
Her eyes were infinitely sad, dark and soulful. “You know the answer to that without my having to spell it out for you.”
At least she had the common sense not to say it: love and commitment. He wasn’t pleased at the thought of either one.
“Listen,” she said, slowly lifting her eyes to capture his. “I’m glad you’re here, because we do need to talk. A lot of things have been going through my mind the past couple of weeks.”
“Mine, too.”
“I like you, Cliff. I really do. It would be so easy to fall in love with you. But I’m afraid that if I did, we’d only end up hurting each other.”
Feeling confused, he frowned darkly at her. “How do you mean?”
“When we first started going out, you automatically included the girls—mainly because I had them gathered around me like a fortress, and you recognized that you had to deal with them in order to get to me.”
He grinned because she was right on target; that had been his plan exactly.
“Later, after the fishing fiasco, you realized that having the girls around wasn’t the best thing for a promising relationship. I can’t say that I blame you. There’s no reason for you to be interested in children—a ready-made family isn’t for you, and children do have a tendency to mess things up.”
Cliff opened his mouth to contradict her, then realized that basically she was right. After the sailing trip, he had more or less decided the time had come to wean Diana away from her girls. To be honest, he’d wanted her all to himself. Oh, he’d planned to include Joan and Katie occasionally, but he was mainly interested in Diana. Her daughters were cute kids, but he could easily have done without them, and as much as possible, he’d hoped to keep them in the background of anything that developed between him and Diana.
“You make me sound pretty mercenary.” Actually, when he thought about what he’d been doing, he realized that his actions could be construed as selfish. All right, so he’d been selfish!
“I don’t mean to place you in a bad light.”
“But it’s true.” It hadn’t been easy for him to admit that, and he felt ashamed.
“Herein we have the basic problem. I can’t be separated from the girls. You may be able to ignore them, but I can’t. We’re one, and placing me in the middle and asking me to choose between you and my daughters would only make everyone miserable.”
Cliff’s smile was wry. “You know, you would have made a great attorney.”
“Thanks.”
“The way I deal with Joan and Katie could change, Diana.” His gaze continued to hold hers. She was right; he’d been thinking only of himself, and he’d been wrong. But now that the air had been cleared, he was more than willing to strike up a compromise.
“Perhaps it could change.” She granted him an A for effort, and was pleased that he cared enough to want to try. “But there’s more.”
“There is?”
“Cliff, for some reason you have a difficult time making a commitment to one woman. I suspect it has a lot to do with the girl who lived with you. Shirley told me about her.”
“Becky.” He didn’t even like to think about her or the whole unfortunate experience. It had happened a long time ago, and as far as he was concerned, the whole affair was best forgotten.
“You might not be thrilled with this, but I think you cared a great deal for Becky. I honestly believe you loved her.”
Unable to remain seated, Cliff stood and refilled his coffee cup, even though he’d taken only a few sips. “She was a selfish bitch,” he said bitterly, his jaw tight.
“That makes admitting you loved her all the more difficult, doesn’t it?”
“Who do you think you are? Sigmund Freud?”
“No,” she admitted softly. “Believe me, I know what you went through when she moved out. Although the circumstances were different, I was unbelievably angry with Stan after he died. I’d take out the garbage and curse him for not being there to do it for me. I’d never been madder at anyone in my life. As crazy as it sounds, it took me months to forgive him for dying.”
