Page 112 of Summer Weddings
Not that Mitch had said anything. Not directly at least. It was his manner, his new reserve, the way he kissed her—as if even then he felt the need to protect himself.
That reserve of his frustrated Bethany. It angered her, but mostly it hurt. In some ways, she felt their relationship had become more honest and open, yet in others—the important ones—he still seemed to be holding back. He seemed to fear that loving her would mean surrendering a piece of his soul, and she’d begun to wonder if he’d always keep his past hidden from her.
On another front, she increasingly felt the urge to let Ben know she was his biological daughter. Perhaps this was because she missed her family so much. Or maybe it was because she’d come to terms with Ben’s place in her life. Then again, maybe it was because she felt frustrated in her relationship with Mitch. She didn’t know.
This wasn’t to say the soulful kisses they shared weren’t wonderful. They were. Yet they often left her hungering, not for a deeper physical relationship, but for a more profound emotional one. She longed for Mitch to trust her with his past, and clearly he wasn’t willing to do that.
Their times alone, she noted, seemed to dwindle instead of increase. It almost seemed as though Mitch encouraged Chrissie’s presence to avoid being alone with Bethany. It almost seemed as though dating Bethany satisfied his daughter’s needs, but not his own.
On this January Saturday evening, when Bethany joined Mitch and Chrissie for their weekly video night, she couldn’t disguise her melancholy. She tried, she honestly tried, to be upbeat, but it had been a long, drawn-out week. And now Randy was engaged, while her own love life had stalled.
Mitch must have noticed she hadn’t touched the popcorn he’d supplied. “Is something wrong?” he asked, shifting beside her on the couch.
“No,” she whispered, fighting to hold back the emotion that bubbled up inside her, seeking escape. Tears burned for release. She was about to weep and could think of no explanation that would appease him. No explanation, in fact, that would even make sense.
Mitch and Chrissie glanced at each other, then at her. Mitch stopped the movie. “You look like you’re going to cry. I understand this movie’s a tearjerker, but I didn’t expect you to start crying during the previews.”
She smiled shakily at his joke. “I’m sorry,” she said. Her throat closed up, and when she tried to speak again, her voice came out in a high-pitched squeak. “I—”
“Bethany, what’s wrong?”
She got to her feet, then didn’t know why she had. She certainly didn’t have anything to say.
“I—I need a haircut,” she croaked.
Mitch looked at Chrissie, as if his daughter should be able to translate that. Chrissie regarded Bethany seriously, then shrugged.
“And a pizza—not the frozen kind, but one that’s delivered, and the delivery boy should stand around until he gets a tip and act insulted by how little it is.” She attempted a laugh that failed miserably.
“Pizza? Insulted?” Her explanation,such as it was, seemed to confuse Mitch even more.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, gesturing forlornly with her hands. “I really am.” She tucked her fingers against her palms and studied her hands. “Look at my nails. Just look. They used to be long and pretty—now they’re broken and chipped.”
“Bethany—”
“I’m not finished,” she said, brushing the tears from her face. Now that they’d started, she couldn’t seem to stop them. “I feel claustrophobic. I need more than a couple of hours’ light a day. I’m sick and tired of watching the sun set two hours after dawn. I need morelightthan this.” Even though she knew she wasn’t being logical, Bethany couldn’t stop the words any more than she could the tears. “I want to buy a new bra without ordering it out of a catalog.”
“What you’re feeling is cabin fever,” Mitch explained calmly.
“Iknowthat, but…”
“We all experience it in one way or another. It’s not uncommon in winter. Even those of us who’ve lived here for years go through this,” he said. “What you need is a weekend jaunt to Fairbanks. Two days away will make you feel like a new woman.”
Men always seemed to have a simple solution to everything. For no reason she could explain—after all, shewantedto visit a big city—Mitch’s answer only irritated her.
“Is a weekend trip going to change the fact that Randy’s getting married?” she muttered. Her hands were clenched and her arms hung stiffly at her sides.
It took Mitch a moment or so to ask, “Who’s Randy?”
“Bethany was engaged to him a long time ago,” Chrissie said in a whisper.
“Do you love him?” Mitch asked in a gentle tone.
His tenderness, his complete lack of jealousy, infuriated her beyond reason. “No,” she cried, “I loveyou,you idiot! Not that you care or notice or anything.” Bethany went to retrieve her coat and hat.
“Bethany—”
“You don’t understandanyof what I’m feeling, do you? Please, just leave me alone.”
