Page 92 of Beneath Your Beautiful
“Other than being a pain in the ass and making you cry…I’m drawing a blank.”
He was serious. I turned my body, resting my shoulder and my cheek against the seat. “You gave me back my art. The day I came in, asking for a job, I hadn’t painted or drawn anything in months. After the whole Luke thing happened, I just…I don’t know, I kind of gave up on it. Maybe I shut down because I didn’t want to feel anything. You asked if art was therapy, yet I hadn’t turned to my art. I only started painting again after the first night I worked with you. Because even then, you made me feel so much of everything. It’s hard to explain…”
“Try,” he urged, and I knew this was important to him, so I tried to put it into words.
“When I’m with you, even on bad days, even on perfectly ordinary days, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. That’s never happened to me before. I spent most of my life dreaming about places I’d rather be. But with you, I realized it has nothing to do with location…if I’m with you, it doesn’t matter where we are. When I’m with you, I see all the colors. And I’m not scared of the darkness, because there’s so much light inside you too. When you let me see you, really see you, there’s nothing in this world more beautiful than you, Killian.”
“It’s not beautiful inside me. It’s a fucked-up place to live.”
“I’d rather live there, with you, than anywhere else on the planet. I wish you could see yourself the way I do.”
“I wish every person on the planet could look at the world the way you do. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m going to try my best to make you happy.”
“You already do,” I said.
He leaned across the gearbox, wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and kissed me softly on the lips. “You’re beautiful, Sunshine.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Eden
Friday afternoon, I was sitting on a stool in Forever Ink, watching Connor tattoo his brother’s chest. I came to offer my moral support which Killian probably didn’t need anyway. Two hours into his tattooing session, and Killian was unfazed by the needles piercing his skin. He didn’t flinch and barely moved a muscle. He hadn’t been joking about the tough skin but, then, he’d been through worse pain than this, I guess.
It had taken a few days before Killian talked to Connor again. But as I’d come to learn, Killian had a big heart and once he let someone in, he was generous with it. Despite the grief and worry Connor had caused Killian over the years, Killian kept giving him chances to get it right because he wanted Connor in his life.
I watched the concentration on Connor’s face as he tattooed Killian’s skin. Connor didn’t want to mess it up, but I knew he wouldn’t.
“You’ve got your serious artist face on,” Killian joked.
“Eden will beat me up if I make a mistake,” Connor said.
“She’s pretty fierce,” Killian said.
While they joked around, I thought about their mother and wondered what she’d think of the men they’d turned into. Good men, in my book. How could she leave her two boys behind?
My thoughts drifted to Anna Ramirez. A few days ago, I’d taken her number from Killian’s phone and called her when he was at work. I figured nine-thirty would be a good time—not too late, but the baby would be asleep by then.
“Hi, Anna. My name is Eden. You don’t know me, but I’m Killian’s girlfriend and—”
“Killian has a girlfriend?” she asked, unable to conceal her surprise.
“Um, yes. He doesn’t know anything about this phone call.”
She remained silent, so I rushed in, “I can’t pretend to know what you’ve been through, and maybe if I were in your shoes, I’d never be able to forgive the person responsible…but Killian loved Johnny. He feels so incredibly guilty. It was a horrible accident, and I am so, so sorry for your loss. And for your son’s loss. But Killian needs your forgiveness. You have no idea how much it would mean to him if you could just…forgive him.”
Once again, she was silent. I checked my phone to make sure our call was still connected. “Anna?”
“Do you love Killian?”
“Yes. I do. He’s a good man. I mean, sometimes he acts like an asshole, but, you know, for the most part…he’s great.”
She laughed a little. It made me smile and gave me hope, so I forged on.
“I called you because I care about him. So much. And if there’s anything I can do to make his life better, I’ll do it.”
“That’s how I felt about Johnny.”
“Then you know how it feels…” I let my sentence drift off, not sure if I was saying all the right things or all the wrong ones. “Will you at least consider it? It would mean the world to him if you—”
