Page 30 of Beautiful Lies
She rotated her body, breaking my hold with her shoulder. She was fast, and she was strong. An elbow jammed into my ribs followed by a swift kick to my groin.
Fuck. I doubled over, blinded by pain.
“You asked for it.”
I did. But I hadn’t expected her attack to be so brutal.
“I didn’t kick you as hard as I could,” she added, her voice tinged with regret.
Thank fuck for that. I took deep breaths, trying to fight the nausea until it passed, and I could see again. She stroked my back, although I wasn’t sure how that could help my bruised balls.
It was official. We were crazy. A train wreck waiting to happen.
I gritted my teeth and straightened. Fuck, that hurt.
“I’m sorry,” she said, chewing on her lower lip, her brows drawn together.
“As you’ve just demonstrated, the power is all yours. You can defend yourself against me.”
“Physically … but that’s not the kind of pain you give.”
True. I’ve never laid a hand on her or any woman, and I never would. At least Ava could trust me with her body. After that little display, I wasn’t so sure I could say the same about her. “My heart needs as much protection from you as yours does from me.”
“I didn’t break your heart,” she whispered.
“Yes. You did. Or maybe I broke my own heart.” After Ava’s ultimatum to choose her or drugs, I’d gotten clean with Killian’s help, a detox clinic, and methadone. I’d been a wreck, my emotions all over the place. Amidst my personal hell, Ava’s mother had paid me a visit. She’d told me if I’d ever loved Ava, I needed to let her go. She’d said I wasn’t good enough for her daughter. I didn’t deserve her, and I never would. She’d been right. After I pushed Ava out of my life, I returned to my mistress—heroin. But I never stopped loving Ava. Not even in my darkest days.
She opened her mouth as if to say something. Then she clamped it shut and strode away, right past my bike. She sped up, jogging down the cracked sidewalk like she couldn’t get away fast enough. I caught up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her back against my chest. “Don’t go. Don’t run away from me.”
She hung her head. “Why, Connor? Every. Single. Time. You’re like quicksand.”
“I thought I was like an onion,” I joked.
“Don’t you get it? You and I are no good together. We’re toxic.”
I turned her around to face me. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me.”
Her eyes didn’t reach mine. “Love requires trust. I don’t trust you. My heart has been broken by you so many times … so many times, Connor.”
I pulled her into my arms and held her. She leaned into me, her cheek pressed against my chest. “Baby, please … I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work.Anything.”
“Anything?” she asked, her voice muffled.
“Anything that doesn’t require letting you go. Because I don’t know how to do that. I’ve never found a way.” I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent. I could feel her trembling, her resolve weakening.
I released her and took a few steps back. “Let’s find our way back to being friends,” I said.
She bit down on her lower lip, considering it. Did I deserve another chance? Probably not. I was asking her to take a leap of faith. I knew why our relationship had broken down, and I knew what I needed to do to fix it. I dropped down on one knee and held my hands together as if in prayer. “You hold my beating heart in your hands. Don’t squeeze the life out of me.”
Ava rolled her eyes, trying to suppress a smile. “You’re ridiculous.”
I chuckled and got to my feet. “I know. But that’s why you love me.”
She shook her head but didn’t bother denying it. Small victory. “Are you still offering empanadas?”
“All the empanadas you can eat.”
“Good. I’m starving.” She poked me in the chest. “And you’re buying.”
