Page 98 of Beautiful Lies
“Shaughnessy promised me my safety in exchange for returning to Brooklyn and keeping my mouth shut about everything that happened down there.”
“You could have told me this when you got back last year,” Killian said. “I would have—”
“You would have what?” I asked, knowing exactly how he’d respond.
“I would have gone down to fucking Miami and taken care of it.”
I shook my head. “That’swhyI didn’t tell you. What would you have done? Beat him up? Round up all the men working for him? The undercover cops? Security? He’s a criminal in an expensive suit with enough money and power to get whatever he wants in that town.”
Killian considered this for a minute. “Why didn’t you go to the cops…honest cops…and report his ass?”
Yeah, that sounded easy. Why didn’t I do that? “At the time, I figured it was smarter to keep my mouth shut. Who would have believed the word of a junkie? Shaughnessy has connections in Miami…” I let my voice trail off. Killian got it now. I could see it on his face that he believed me.
Last night, before I’d gone to Tate’s garage to see Ava, I’d told Deacon Ramsey the whole story. Every detail I’d left out in my statement. I trusted Ramsey more than I’d ever trusted Seamus. Ramsey had believed my story and hadn’t treated me like I was unreliable or a liar because of my past and for that the man had my undying gratitude. Since Miami was out of his jurisdiction, I needed to go to the Feds with my story. Which I planned to do today. I told Killian my plan and he nodded in approval.
“Good. I’ll come with you. We’ll—”
“No. Listen…I appreciate the support.” I wasn’t sure how I’d expected Killian to react to my confession, but I hadn’t expected this kind of support. Maybe I should have given him more credit. “But I need to do this on my own. It’s another thing I have to do to make amends.”
He was silent for a few seconds and I waited for him to agree. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Why did Shaughnessy go to so much trouble to keep us away from her?” Killian asked.
I wasn’t sure if he was talking about our mother or the sister we never knew about. Either way, the answer was the same. “Why does anyone do what they do? Why did Seamus beat the shit out of you? Why does Nico’s stepfather knock his mom around? Maybe guys like that get off on hurting people. Maybe they’re so insecure they need to exert their power to make them feel like men.” I shook my head. “I couldn’t even begin to tell you why people do what they do.”
“This past year… I thought the worst of you.”
“You had every right.”
He shook his head. “You’ve been through a lot.”
“We all have,” I said.
“Stop being so fucking reasonable.”
I huffed out a laugh. I rarely got accused of being reasonable. “Listen… if I ever thought those guys would have come to the house, I never would have let Eden hang out there with me. I don’t think Shaughnessy sent them. I suspect they were low-level street dealers who got cheated out of some money. But I’m so fucking sorry you and Eden got caught up in that. You have no idea how sorry I am.”
He nodded, his expression thoughtful. Free of my lies and secrets, I felt some of the burden being lifted off my shoulders. Apologies were just words, but I could tell he knew I meant them. “I know. But you should have—”
“I told Seamus,” I said, knowing that was where he was headed with this. Killian had told me once before that if I’d told Seamus, he could have put his best men on the case to protect me. Bullshit. I knew better. “I told him everything three days before those guys turned up at our house.”
Killian’s face registered shock and for a few stunned moments, he said nothing. “Fucking Seamus. Heknew… and he did nothing to help.”
It was all out there now. The whole ugly truth. For some reason, Killian had always clung to the belief that there was a sliver of decency in Seamus. Maybe because he knew him before the drinking started. Before our mother left and Seamus started knocking him around. He’d always thought Seamus was a good cop, and Killian had been grateful he’d come to our rescue that night. Now I’d shown him the story in a different light and he didn’t know what to think. Welcome to the fucking club.
“Do you feel better knowing the truth?” I asked.
“You were the one who showed me how important it is to confront the truth,” he said. “You were the one who confronted Seamus about what he’d done.”
“As I remember, you weren’t too happy about that.” Not long after I’d returned from Miami, I’d answered the door to Seamus. He punched me for old time’s sake then demanded to know where I’d been for the past five months. I could tell by the look on his face that he had no recollection of having confided in me. Eden and Killian had been upstairs, and Killian had come down, once again trying to protect me, but I’d decided it was time to air our dirty laundry. Killian had been furious with me and even more furious that Eden had overheard it.
“It was the right thing to do,” Killian said. “You’ve always been good at facing up to the truth.”
I stared at him like he had three heads. “I was always lying.”
“Not about the things that really mattered. We’ll get through this,” Killian said. “I won’t let you down. Not again.”
