Page 48 of Wilder Love
He released my arms and took a step back, his gaze still pinned on my face. Vigilant. Concerned. Scared that I’d vanish if he took his eyes off me. I could barely see his face through the blur of my tears, but I didn’t need to see it. We looked so much alike, he and I. Our beauty was so sharp and jagged, you could cut your finger on our edges.
Slowly, I sank to my knees and wrapped my arms around myself, bending at the waist. It hurt so much. My sobs echoed off the tiled walls. I wanted to curl into a ball on the bathroom floor and stay there. My heart hurt. For my brother who was trying to hold all our broken pieces together. For our mother who abandoned us without a backward glance. For Shane… oh God. Shane. My ocean.
I loved him. Tragically and hopelessly.
“Do you know what a Siren is in Greek mythology?”
“Tell me.”
“A Siren is an enchantress who lures the sailor with her voice…”
“And what happens to the sailor?”
“He shipwrecks on the rocky coast.”
“I’ll never sing for you, Sailor. I don’t want to destroy you. I just want to love you.”
“I was destroyed the first time I ever saw your face, Firefly.”
I broke his heart, just like he said I would. But I broke my own too. I’d been merciless, my breakup with him swift and brutal. I told him I’d cheated on him, that I was too young to settle down with just one person. “It could never have worked,” I’d said. “I’d just be trailing after you, like one of your pro hos.”
And the look on his face… disbelief and then anger when he ordered me to leave. But I’d seen the hurt too, heard the pain in his voice when he asked me why… how… I could ever do that? To him? To us?
Dylan knelt in front of me and wrapped a towel around my shoulders. “Remy. Come on. I’ll drop you off at school.” His voice was soft. Pleading. “You’ve never been a quitter. Don’t start now. You can do this. I know you can.” He believed in me. He was trying to give me strength.
Love was powerful. It could destroy you. It could heal you. It could soften the blows.
I peeled myself off the floor. I did it for Dylan. I did it because we made a pinky promise so many years ago, to never leave each other behind, no matter what. Now, he was making good on his promise.
I wiped away my tears and drew a shaky breath.
“You know you have to fix my door now.”
He rolled his eyes, but his lips curved into an almost-smile. “I’ll fix your door.” He gave me the Boy Scout salute. It made me laugh. Dylan had never been a Boy Scout. Not even close. “Promise.”
And I knew that he would fix my door. Because he promised he would. And Dylan, as it turned out, never broke his promises.
Life goes on even when we don’t feel like we want to. Even when we feel like there’s nothing left to hang onto, life goes on.
When Dylan pulled up outside Starbucks on Main Street, the tears threatened to fall again.
“Dylan, we can’t afford… I don’t need—”
“What do you want, Rem? I’ll get you anything you want.”
I didn’t want Starbucks, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that. This gesture, it meant so much. He remembered how I used to feel bad for not being able to afford Starbucks. Not because I actually wanted Starbucks but because Sienna kept bringing me drinks. It was one of those poor kid insecurities, I guess. “Surprise me.”
He hopped out of the truck and strode into Starbucks, a man on a mission.
I loved his guts.
* * *
I promisedDylan I would finish high school and even if it killed me, I would keep my promise. We’d been through worse. I could get through this.
I went to school and I went to work, and I read books instead of going surfing. I didn’t take any photos. There was nothing I wanted to remember. Sometimes I went to the beach, and I swam but only at the pier, never the break where Shane surfed. Sometimes I just sat there, staring at the ocean that didn’t feel like home anymore.
I missed every sunrise.
