Page 43 of Wilder Love

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My fear of ruining something good.

Bullies preyed on people’s weaknesses. But I wouldn’t let this asshole ruin Shane.

His surfing career meant everything to him. It was his life. His dream. It had been stupid to pin my hopes on a future with him. Hope is such a dangerous thing.

My gaze drifted across the street to his house. He was sleeping peacefully, unaware of what was happening out on this street, in this car. For once, I wished I’d stuck around long enough to say goodbye. If I had stayed the night, safe and warm in his arms, I wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. But Tristan would have found another opportunity. I saw him nearly every day. He knew where I lived, where I worked, where I surfed.

When your life is falling apart around you, there should be some warning. A crack of thunder. The jagged flash of lightning splitting the sky. But there wasn’t. It was quiet. Nobody could hear the sound of my heart shattering. Nobody could hear me crying on the inside. That was how these things happened though.

And it was all because of sex.

Sometimes it was beautiful and soul-deep. Loving. Healing. Sometimes it was dirty and ugly. Sometimes it could be used as a weapon or a bartering chip.

“Now, are you ready to play along?”

I gritted my teeth, not answering him. He took his phone from my hand. His fingers moved on the keypad and he put the phone on speaker. A dispatcher on the end of the line answered. Costa del Rey Police Department.

“Hello. I’m worried about a friend of mine. She’s seventeen and she’s—”

I squeezed my eyes shut and forced out the word. “Stop.”

“Just a moment, please.”

He took the phone off speaker and held his hand over it to muffle the sound of our voices.

“If I do this, you’ll leave him alone.”

Tristan nodded. I had no way of knowing if he was telling the truth, but I couldn’t sit here and let him tell the cops that Shane did something wrong. He didn’t. I wouldn’t let him pay the price. He had too much to lose. If Tristan destroyed Shane’s career because of me I’d never be able to forgive myself.

Tristan got back on the line. “Turns out that my friend is okay. I’m sorry for taking up your time. I know you have more urgent matters to deal with.”

I tuned him out as he wrapped up his conversation and then he cut the call and tossed his cell in the cupholder.

It was all so stupid but in the eyes of the law, what Shane and I had done was considered a crime. He could be arrested for it. Fined. Even put in jail. I tried to think of a different way out, but my brain was all jumbled, the fear of ruining Shane’s career pushing out all my other thoughts.

I didn’t want to be that girl. I didn’t want to be responsible for the downfall of the person I loved. I had the power to stop it. Funny how I chose to look at it as power. As if the power was in my hands.

“What do you want from me?” Everyone knew that the first rule of dealing with bullies is not to negotiate. Yet here I was going into negotiations.

“You can start by giving me a blowjob.”

I didn’t even blink, resigned to my fate but still, I had a tiny sliver of hope that it would turn out differently. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I can.”

Because I can. “Why me? Why did you choose me?” I was searching for a clue. What did guys see when they looked at me? Guys who weren’t Shane. Guys who looked at me as a piece of ass that could easily be discarded when they’d gotten what they wanted. Maybe Tristan could enlighten me. Might as well get something out of this for myself, right?

The girl sitting in this BMW was the old Remy. The hood rat. The scrapper. Damaged goods. The Remy who Shane loved wasn’t sitting in this car. It helped to separate the two.

“You have a lot of questions tonight, little lamb.”

“I want answers before the big bad wolf eats me.”

He laughed. It was boyish. And for a minute he was just a boy, and I was just a girl and we weren’t locked in some crazy negotiation. Maybe in another lifetime we could have been friends. If I had grown up with them, privileged, above the law, secure in my place in the world, it could have been different. But I was me and he held all the power in his hands. He would use it to destroy me. Because that was what he did. If he couldn’t control something, he destroyed it.

“I chose you because you look like you should be starring in a porn film. Your lips are fuckable. Tits could be a little bigger, but I can overlook that. Your ass makes up for it. Your attitude though… that’s what clinched the deal.”

“What’s my attitude?”