Page 97 of Sweet Chaos
I laughed incredulously. “Oh. Okay. Next you’re going to tell me you didn’t wrap your arms around her and wipe away her tears.”
His jaw clenched. “I’m not in love—”
I held up my hand to stop him from continuing. “It doesn’t matter. None of this matters. It doesn’t change anything. If you kissed her or she kissed you. It happened. I was there. I saw it. But this… us… it’s not just about that kiss on the beach. I can’t be with you anymore. Seeing you with her tonight… it just made me realize how wrong this was.”
“I can’t fucking lose you.”
“You already did,” I said quietly, my voice resolute. “I love you, Dylan. I do. But we’re over. So you need to leave.”
“We’ll find a way. I’ll make it right. I’ll do whatever the fuck it takes. I told you I would always fight for you.Always.”
All I’d ever wanted was him. Be careful what you wish for. Pushing him away was killing me. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done but I knew it was what I had to do. It was the right thing to do.
He reached for me, but I pulled away. If he touched me, if he held me or kissed me, all my defenses would crumble and fall. I couldn’t allow that to happen. “Please, Dylan. Just go. I can’t… please just go.”
He carved his hand through his hair then he nodded and stood up. “We’re not over, Starlet.”
I turned my back to him and curled onto my side.
It was only after I heard the door close behind him that I let my tears fall.
* * *
Dylan didn’t give up. Not that I’d expected him to. He was stubborn. It had been two weeks since the night everything fell apart. Two weeks of planning a future that didn’t include him. Two weeks of crying myself to sleep every night. I missed him so much. And it only made matters worse that he showed up every single day. With Starbucks or ice cream or chocolate chip pancakes, depending on the day and the time.
This morning it was an iced caramel macchiato. I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders as if I was going into battle as I walked toward him. He handed me the Starbucks he’d brought, his fingertips brushing mine in the hand-off, and I felt those old familiar shivers run up and down my spine. The plastic cup was wet with condensation and the label on top read: Starlet.
“You need to stop showing up. You’re making this so much harder.”
“Good,” he said, showing no signs of remorse for causing me mental anguish. Most days I just kept right on walking and didn’t even talk to him. Undeterred, he just kept coming back day after day after agonizing day.
“Why are you all dressed up?” I couldn’t help asking. He was wearing ripped jeans, a faded black T-shirt and his ancient combat boots with the laces undone. My fingers itched to run through his messy, disheveled hair. I fisted my hand, my nails digging into the palm. “Important meeting?”
He smiled, and it was beautiful, like a song or a poem that made your heart ache. “Just remember.” Catching me off guard, he leaned in close and kissed the tip of my nose. My eyes closed for an instant and I inhaled his scent. Pure sex and pheromones and masculinity. “I love you.”
I had no idea what that was all about but didn’t even bother questioning it. He climbed into his G-Wagen and drove away, and I carried my iced coffee and my broken heart down the street, the sky overhead blue and cloudless, the sun on my face, and it seemed all wrong that the day was so beautiful. It should be gray and rainy to match my mood. On my walk to work, I called Sienna. I’d been calling her every day for the past two weeks and she never answered.
When I heard her voice on the end of the line, I stopped in my tracks. It took me a few seconds to recover and find the words.
“Hi. Sienna. Hi,” I said again. “I was hoping we could talk—”
“I got all your voicemails,” she said, her voice so flat and cold I barely recognized it. “You can stop calling now. You can stop apologizing. There’s nothing you can say or do to make this better. It’s done.”
“I could come to LA,” I said, stupidly trying to make this right even though she’d just said there was no way I could. “If we could just sit down and talk face to face—”
“I don’t even want toseeyour face. The funny part is that you had everyone fooled.” She laughed harshly. “Everyone thinks you’re the honest one. The brave one. The least likely to stab someone in the back. But from where I’m sitting, you’re a liar, a cheat, and a coward. What you did is unforgivable.”
I sucked in a breath. I deserved this and more for what I’d done. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.
“Stop calling me, Scar. There’s nothing left to say.” She cut the call and I squeezed my eyes shut.
Shane had been wrong. This was hopeless.
I tossed the iced coffee in the trash can and walked to work on leaden legs, my heart heavy, an ache in my chest that made it hard to breathe.
Remy looked over at the doorway as I entered the shop and clearly, my face told her everything she needed to know. She was across the shop, pulling me into a hug before I’d even made it three steps inside. And like a fool, I was crying again.
She didn’t have to ask what was wrong. She already knew that I fell in love with Dylan and that I was leaving next month. I’d miss her and Shane, I’d miss my job, and Nic and SoCal and a million other little things about my life here. But the thing I’d miss most was her brother.
