Page 39 of When the Stars Fall
“Turn off the light.”
“Why?” I asked but I did as he said and turned off the lamp on the dresser. It wasn’t that dark out yet but it was dark enough to see the stars glowing on the ceiling above my bed. I studied them, trying to work out the pattern and figure out which constellation it was but astronomy wasn’t my thing. “Have they always been here?”
He chuckled under his breath. “Nope.”
Jude. But would he have really done this? For me? He hated me now. I’d gotten my wish. He left me alone. Never tried to talk to me. Wouldn’t even look at me when we passed each other in the hallways at school. He didn’t bully me. Didn’t go out of his way to make my life hell. Didn’t even actively avoid me or ignore me.
He just looked right through me like I didn’t even exist.
So why would he have put stars on my ceiling?
“Did you do it?” I asked Brody.
He just laughed. “You two deserve each other. You’re both dumbasses.”
I opened my mouth to protest but Kate poked her head in the doorway, stopping the words from coming out. “Hi honey. Need some help?”
“Oh, um... I’m okay. Thank you.” I flicked the light back on and smiled at her. I loved Kate. I loved the whole family. But I knew how Brody felt now. Even though their intentions were good, I hated feeling like a charity case.
“Brody. Get your boots off Lila’s comforter,” Kate said.
His boots hit the floor with a thud and he got to his feet, leaving me with dried mud that had flaked off his boots and landed on my sunflower-patterned comforter. “Catch you later, L.”
When Brody was gone, Kate brushed the dirt off my comforter and into the wastepaper can next to my desk then came to stand in front of me and held out her arms. “Come here, honey.”
I took a step forward and she wrapped me up in a hug that was almost as good as my mom’s. Almost. She stroked my hair and she held on tight and I hugged her back. I tried to swallow my tears but the lump in my throat was too big and something inside of me cracked. It was like a dam broke and all the tears I’d been holding rushed out of me.
I was sobbing so hard, I couldn’t breathe. She held on tight and didn’t let go.
“I know, sweetie. Let it out. Sometimes you just need a good cry.”
Everything was broken and I didn’t know how to put all the pieces back together. When my tears subsided, I pulled away and she handed me a pack of tissues from her shorts pocket as if she’d come prepared for my tears.
I wiped my eyes and blew my nose and when she asked if I felt better, I nodded. In some ways, it was true. I felt hollowed out and empty but I felt a little bit better. My mom was gone and she wasn’t coming back and I had to accept that. Derek was gone, our house was sold, and I had a few boxes of memories stored in the McCallister’s attic. That was all I had left of my old life.
This was my new normal. I was an orphan taken in by the family of the boy I’d loved for so long. The boy I’d pushed away because I was too scared to let him get any closer. Instead of being with my mom when she died, I’d been kissing Jude on the roof. My mom died at one in the morning. Three hours after I left her. But I didn’t find out until the next morning because Derek, the jackass, was with his girlfriend Mindi that night.
I hated him for that. I hated myself for leaving her. If only I’d stayed she wouldn’t have had to die alone. If only I hadn’t been so selfish.
From my peripheral, I caught a movement in the doorway but when I looked over at it nobody was there.
That night I slept under a sky full of stars.
“What happens when the stars fall, Jude?”
“I’ll put them back in the sky for you.”
Chapter Twelve
Jude
Two monthsinto this new living arrangement and I was already counting down the days until I could leave for boot camp. Which, let’s face it, wasn’t going to be for at least another year. I was still two weeks from turning eighteen. We still had to survive the rest of the summer and our senior year before we could get away from each other. Even then, she was part of the family now so I was stuck with her.
Turning off the shower, I scrubbed my hands over my face and stepped onto the tiles, reaching for a clean towel on the shelf.
“Oh my God. I... crap. I didn’t know... um...”
I stood still, my hand holding the towel, her curious eyes roaming down my naked body. Her cheeks were flushed and she was just standing in the open doorway, earbuds in her ears, an iPod strapped to her upper arm, her music so loud I could hear it from here.
