Page 135 of Until August
If he noticed other women looking at him, he never let on. He never encouraged their interest by flirting back.
August always made me feel like the most exciting person in the room.
It was his superpower. The way he could make you feel so special simply by existing.
It felt like what we had was something so special. In some ways, I felt like I’d known August forever. Sometimes I even caught myself thinking we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives.
But then I’d remember that I wasn’t free to plan the rest of my life with another man.
I opened my mouth to speak, to tell him everything I felt, but then shut it again because words seemed inadequate.
“I know,” he said. “Because I feel it too.”
“You do?”
“Mmhmm. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. But life rarely goes to plan.” He looked out at the dining room and then back at me. “I was never supposed to fall in love with you, Nicola.”
“You love me?” I whispered as if I hadn’t heard him right. As if I need confirmation that he really meant it.
“Looks that way.” He reached for my hand across the table and clasped it in both hands. He brushed his thumb over my wedding band, and I didn’t think it was accidental. “I know your situation. I understand. But sometimes it’s hard. I want to be the only man in your life. I want to be the guy you bring home to meet the parents. I wantallof you. I fell in love with you. I love you.” He shook his head like he couldn’t quite believe it.
There were a thousand things I could have said. Shouldhave said.
I wanted to tell him that I loved him, too. Madly. Deeply. With a passion I never thought I’d feel again for another man.
The universe had sent me the perfect man to remind me what it felt like to love and to be loved.
To remind me that there was room in my heart for another great love.
I wanted to tell him:
I love you.
I live you.
You are my true love.
You are the man I’m meant to be with now… and in the future.
I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t lose him and to beg for his patience until I figured out how to make this work.
But the words stayed stuck in my head and refused to pass my lips.
“August—” I started when the silence had stretched out for too long.
“August? Hey, man. Thought that was you.”
August released my hand and sat back in his seat, but it was too late. Rio was standing next to our table. I lifted my head and met Frankie’s accusing eyes, which told me she’d seen more than I wanted her to.
“Well, isn’t this cozy?” she said with a harsh laugh. “While you’re living it up with your new sous chef, my brother is lying in a bed ten miles away because of your choice.”
For a few seconds, I just gaped at her, speechless. In one scathing remark, she’d managed to sum it all up in a way that made my relationship with August feel so cheap and dirty. She made something beautiful seem ugly.
I scrambled for the right words but came up short. “It’s not how it looks,” I said. “We’re just… friends.”
Even I could hear the lie in my words. I wanted to punch myself.
And the betrayal… it cut so deep that I avoided making eye contact with August. He’d just told me he loved me, and I’d reduced us tojust friends?
