Page 137 of When the Stars Rise
But it’s not. None of this is okay and I have no fucking clue why she’s trying to pretend that it is.
I look down when Hayley takes my hand in hers. We’ve held hands hundreds, probably thousands of times, but today it feels different somehow. Like she’s making it clear that we’re in this together.
I entwine our fingers like I’ve done so many times before, tethering us together. We have always had this special connection. Sometimes I don’t even know how to describe what we have. It’s so intense. So all-consuming.
“I love you, Noah.” Hayley’s smile is soft.
“I love you too. I love you in a way that the word seems inadequate.”
“I know. Without you, there is no me,” she says quietly. She licks her lips, eyes glossy with unshed tears and looks right into my eyes. “And I know that you would do anything for me, wouldn’t you?”
“If it’s in my power, you know I will.” I squeeze her hand.
“Good.” She angles her body so she’s facing me and puts her hands on my shoulders. “I need you to look me in the eye and tell me exactly what happened after our car crashed.”
My shoulders tense under her touch. No. No fucking way. We’re not going down this road. “You already know what happened,” I say, trying to brush it off. “There’s no point in reliving this again.”
“I know what you told me. But now I need you to tell me the truth.”
I blow air out of my cheeks and pull away, pushing my hand through my hair as I get to my feet. “I already told you. Once was enough. We’re not doing this again.” I turn to go. I just need some space. I need to get away. But she grabs my arm and halts my footsteps.
“I love you, Noah,” she repeats. “And there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.Nothing. This is me fighting for you. Fighting for us. You can’t keep running away from this and you have to stop protecting me because it’s killing you. It iskillingyou.”
My eyes drift shut, my back still turned to her.
“I can’t let you do this to yourself anymore,” she says quietly. “Your burdens are my burdens. Tell me the truth, Noah.” She comes to stand in front of me and grabs my face in her hands, forcing me to meet her eyes. “I already know that my dad was still alive.”
All the air seizes in my lungs. “What?” I shake my head. “No—”
“I remember it now, Noah. And I never wanted to go back there or remember any of it…” Silent tears run down her cheeks. “But I can’t let you do this alone anymore. You have to let me in.”
“Hayley.” I back up a few steps and search for a way out. “I can’t… I don’t…” I suck in a breath and try to keep my shit together but it’s too late for that.
“Please. I’m begging you. Tell me the truth.” There’s so much fierce determination in her eyes, in the set of her jaw and I don’t want to tell her but she’s begging me, pleading with me.
If the situation were reversed, I would want to know the truth, too.
If I lie to her again, the trust will be irrevocably broken. There will be no coming back from this.
“Noah. Please. I need you to look me in the eye and tell me the truth.”
A man becomes who he is by the choices he makes.
Another fork in the road, another choice to go left or right.
My eyes drift shut, and my hand goes to my chest, rubbing to ease the ache. There’s only one clear path. The toughest choice of all. The truth.
Hayley is standing before me, gaze never wavering, waiting for me to tell her what really happened that night. She takes both of my hands in hers and gives them a gentle squeeze, prompting me to speak. “What did my dad say? Did he talk to you?”
Yes, because I am the keeper of last words.
I take a few deep breaths and fight to steady my voice before I begin telling the story. I’ve never told this to anyone and as much as I’d love to soften the blows, I know I can’t.
As painful as it is, Hayley deserves to know what her dad’s last words were. “Your dad asked if I was okay and then he said, ‘Listen to me, son. I need you to… I need you to get Hayley out of this car.’” I swallow hard. “And then he said, ‘Take care of her, Noah. Promise me you’ll take care of our girl.’”
Hayley’s breath stutters. “Those were his last words?”
I nod. The car rolled six times, maybe eight, I’m not sure. We landed right side up and crashed into a tree at the bottom of the ravine.
