Page 31 of When the Stars Rise
It’s embarrassing that I ended up in the hospital, so I don’t want to discuss it.
“Sounds like a big deal, or you wouldn’t have ended up in a hospital.” His gaze lowers to the box of Pop-Tarts. “Should you be eating those?”
I wish he would just let it go, but when it comes to me, he’s completely incapable of letting anything go.
Ironic how he worries about me yet continues taking risks with his own life.
“I’ll tell you what. I’ll give up my stupid Pop-Tarts if you give up one of your guilty pleasures.”
“Yeah?” He lifts his chin, daring me to say it. But I won’t. Not again. It’s a losing battle. I already know he won’t—can’t—quit because his addiction is stronger than anything. Even stronger than his love for me. And that’s saying a lot because I know how much he loves me.
“Like what?”
I give him a fake smile and bat my lashes. “Like kissing my friends.”
“Yeah, okay.” He nods slowly, his expression solemn, but I can see the relief on his face, too. “I deserved that.”
He drums his fingers on the table, bottom lip clenched between his teeth, and shifts in his seat, head tilted as his eyes flit over my face, trying to gauge my mood.
Noah always claims he can read me like a book because my face is so expressive. I have to fight to keep my expression neutral.
My gaze lowers to the paperback in front of him—Just Kidsby Patti Smith. I gave it to him after I read it. His eyes follow mine. “Parts of it remind me of us,” he says.
“If you were gay and contracted HIV, you mean?”
He sniffs out a laugh. “You know what I mean.” Noah’s eyes meet mine, and I knowexactlywhat he means. “Soulmates,” he says.
“Until the bitter end.”
He bites his lip. A moment of vulnerability. “Will you be with me at the end?”
In some way or another, I will be with you until the end of time.
I don’t even have to say the words for him to know it’s true. It’s the way we are. The way we’ve always been.
Even if entire continents separated us with oceans between, I would know if Noah took his last breath. I would justknow.
It would rock me to the core and wake me from the deepest sleep. Stop me in my tracks. Squeeze all the air out of my lungs and split me down the middle.
Because, in so many ways, Noah has always been my other half.
There was a time when I didn’t know where he started, and I left off. It’s that soul-deep, unshakable love that, no matter howmuch time and distance we put between us, our souls will always call each other back home.
He is, and always has been, my one true home.
Unfortunately, we can’t seem to get our shit together, and while our souls are eternally intertwined, our hearts, minds, and bodies have ventured down separate paths.
“As long as you don’t leave this world too soon, sure.” I give him a little smile and look away, staring out the window at the passing scenery.
Sometimes, the weight of his gaze is too intense.
We’re too much of everything. That’s why we have the power to hurt each other more than anyone else ever could.
“It was Zeke’s birthday.” Noah starts, dragging my gaze to him.
He licks his lips and swallows before forging on while I go back to staring blankly out the window as if that will help me erase the image of Noah and my best friend kissing.
“We were at a beach bar at the resort talking about Zeke and you and me, and this song started playing, and Everly… she was crying.Sobbing. She was so fucking wrecked, and I just wanted to make things better, but I didn’t know how. So I pulled her out of her seat and into my arms to hug her. That’s all I was going to do because when your friend is hurting, you just want to comfort them.”
