Page 54 of When the Stars Rise
“Noah.” She shifts on my lap and places her hand on my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into her touch before opening my eyes to meet hers. “Are you okay?" she asks gently, her brows furrowed with concern.
I laugh, but not because I think any of this is funny. This isn’t about me. It’s about Hayley.
“Can’t say I like it very much that a sick, twisted pervert got off on trying to fuck with your head. So no, I’m not fucking okay about any of this.”
Her eyes fill with tears, but she blinks furiously, refusing to let them fall. I’m not trying to break her, but she needs to let this out and know she’s safe to do so in my arms. I need to push her a little more and give her a nudge to let it all out, so I opt for the soft, gentle approach.
“It’s okay to not be okay sometimes,” I say quietly. “You never have to pretend with me. You never have to act like you’re okay when you’re not. I’ve got you, Hales.”
Her face crumples, and she starts shaking in my arms.
I hold her tight and stroke her hair while she buries her face in my neck.
Her warm, salty tears soak my T-shirt and seep into my skin, and I would gladly take all her tears and heartache, and fears.
If I could, I would carry her burdens as my own so she wouldn’t have to do the heavy lifting.
Unfortunately, I can’t do that. All I can do is try to comfort her.
So I just hold her close and continue stroking her hair to let her know that she doesn’t have to do any of this alone when she has me.
“I will always be here for you,” I assure her, pressing my lips against the crown of her head like I’ve done so many times before. “You’re safe with me.”
She lifts her head and glares at me, wiping her eyes with the heels of her hand. “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you.”
My brow furrows. What the hell? “I’m just trying to comfort—"
“I know. I know you are.” She lets out a shuddering breath. “But I hate how you always feel like you have to rescue me. Maybe I just wanted to prove that I could handle things on my own without you always swooping in to make it better. I want us to be about more than just my issues, fears, and anxieties. I don’t want to be just another one of your problems.”
How could she ever think that?
Sometimes, she acts like she doesn’t know me at all.
“Of course, I’m going to be protective. If someone hurts you or you’re hurting, I’m going to do everything in my power to try and make it better. That’s what you do when you love someone. I love taking care of you. I love being needed. I love making you smile and laugh. Why would you try to take that away from me?” I ask, my tone lighter.
She laughs a little, then sniffs. “You know what I mean. You don’t always have to be the hero.”
I scoff. “Baby, I’m a McCallister. I was born and raised to be a hero.”
She rolls her eyes but can’t hide the smile. “Yeah, okay. Good to know that hero complex is still going strong.”
I take her hand and guide it to my chest. Flattening her palm over my beating heart, I hold my hand over hers. “Do you know why I always do this?”
“To prove that you’re still alive and well.”
“Youownthis beating organ in my chest. You stole my heart a long time ago, Hales, and no matter where I am or what I’m doing or how many miles separate us… I need to know that you’re okay. Because if you’re hurting, I’m hurting. If you’re scared or sad or lonely, I want to be the first one you call. I’m your two in the morning person, remember?”
Her big hazel eyes lock onto mine. “But am I yours?”
You will always be mine.
I know that’s not what Hayley is asking, but I respond as if it is. “Always.”
“Liar. You don’t tell me everything.”
I open my mouth to protest, then shut it again. As much as I would love to deny it, lies of omission are still lies, and it’s true. I don’t tell Hayley everything.
I used to. But somewhere along the way, I started cherry-picking what I thought she could handle versus what she couldn’t.
