Page 95 of When the Stars Rise
“You’re not her stepbrother,” he scoffs.
Technically, I am. At the time, it made me feel weird and kind of dirty, but not in the sexy way.
I got over that though, and it doesn’t matter anymore.
“As I was saying… when I was a kid and I was posed with a tough situation, I would always ask myself the same question.What would my dad do?And the answer was always the same. Just be honest. So yeah, I went through this phase where I was so fucking angry. But since then, I’ve had plenty of time to thinkabout it and I understand. I do. Because I would have done the same thing. If Hales entrusted me with a secret, you can bet your ass I would take it to the grave.”
My dad glances at me. “I know you understand. You’ve been through some fucking terrible things. So you know how messy and complicated life can be. It’s not black and white. The truth never is.”
He studies his hands and then squints at the canyon. “You have your own truth, what you can live with, and others have theirs. And sometimes you have to make a choice. You have to decide how much to tell the people you love. Is the secret going to do more harm than good? Will it benefit them to know the truth? Those are the things you have to ask yourself.”
His gaze swings to me. “A man becomes the man he is because of his choices. Nobody can make them for you. Nobody can carry your burdens for you. If I could, I would, but that ain’t how it works. You made a choice, the only one you could at the time, and you’ve spent the past six years trying to find a way to live with it.”
My body tenses. My dad is pretty astute. Doesn’t miss much. But there’s no fucking way he could ever know what happened that night.
Hayley has no memory of the accident and doesn’t even remember what happened in the lead-up to the accident. Thank fuck for that. Sono oneknows what really happened except me.
I lied to the cops and the journalists and my family and anyone else who asked. I told my own version of the truth and left out some of the more unsavory details.
No good would have come from sharing that. And I have never once regretted my decision. Not once.
Family comes first, so I did what I had to do to preserve the Petersons’ memory and protect Hayley. End of story.
“You have a lot of talents,” my dad says. “But lying has never been one of them.” He claps me on the shoulder. “Just want you to know that I’m here for you, and as long as I’m still kicking, I always will be. Don’t you ever forget that.” He gets to his feet and starts walking. “Come on. Let’s finish this hike.”
We finish the route in silence, and I can’t help but wonder how much he knows. Doesn’t matter. He’d never ask me to spill my secrets because he knows I wouldn’t.
I don’t speak until we’re in the car and on the road back to the city. “I’m sorry.”
“For what? You’ve got nothing to apologize for.”
“I do. Back in high school, I said a lot of things I regret. I wish I could take them back. Maybe get a do-over for that year I pushed you away and acted like a dick.”
“You were a teenage boy. If you hadn’t acted like a dick from time to time, I would have questioned if you were really a McCallister. Look at Jude. He still acts like a dick. Not just some of the time, either. Most of the time. That stupid shit,” he mutters.
I laugh. Even after all these years, their sibling rivalry is still going strong. Not that they’re brothers; they’re cousins. But my dad was raised as another brother, and they still love to give each other shit.
“Are we good?” my dad says.
I nod. “Yeah. We’re good.”
“Alright then. How about you start coming home a bit more often? Your grandparents aren’t going to be around forever, and you’re missing out on a lot of family shit.”
I groan. “First Mom, and now you, too? You’re really stooping low, aren’t you? Resorting to guilt now?”
My dad grins. “Thought I’d try it on for size.” He gives me the side-eye. “Is it working?”
I laugh and shake my head. “You don’t have to guilt me into coming home. I love my family, and I love spending time with everyone. I’ve just been busy.” I shrug like it can’t be helped.
My dad opens his mouth, no doubt to call me out on my bullshit, but thinks better of it and lets it go without comment.
We both know I’m just making excuses. If you want to do something badly enough, you can always find a way and make the time. And from now on, I will.
My dad is a good man. He’s always been there for me whenever I needed him.
Growing up, he was my hero.
He taught me how to ride horses. How to love the land and treat nature and the people in my life with respect.
