Page 38 of I Dreamt That You Loved Me
She laughed derisively. “Yeah, right. And I’m supposed to believe that.”
“Annika, you know me?—”
“IthoughtI knew you. No wonder he loved that shirt so much.Youmade it for him.”
Tears filled her eyes and I wanted to make it better so I reached for her, trying to pull her into a hug, but she stepped back and held up her hand, warding me off. “Stay away from me,” she said between clenched teeth.
I lowered my hands to my sides and released a shaky breath. “Just tell me what I can do to make this better."
“You were supposed to be my best friend.”
“Iamyour best friend. I never wanted to hurt you?—”
“And yet you did. You lied to me and you made a fool out of me. I’ll bet you and Gabriel had a good laugh over this, didn’t you? Were you laughing behind my back?”
“No. God." I knew she had every right to be angry but come on, she was really hitting below the belt. “I’m not that kind of person and neither is he.”
“Of course you’re not,” she said. “He’s just the kind of person who lusted after my best friend the whole time I was with him. And you’re just the kind of person who keeps secrets from her best friend!”
I opened my mouth to speak but shut it again. I couldn’t speak for Gabriel, but I was one hundred percent guilty of keeping the whole thing a secret. Not to mention secretly lusting after him.
I was going straight to hell.
“You should have told me, Cleo. You should have been honest with me.”
She stalked to her bedroom and slammed the door shut while I stood in the middle of the living room trying to figure out how to fix this.
A few minutes later, I knocked on her door softly and pressed my forehead against the wood. “If you need anything…if you want to talk…I’m here, okay?”
“I’d really appreciate it if you could just leave me the fuck alone.”
“Okay.” I took a step back. “Okay. I’ll just…I’ll be in my room.”
In my bedroom, I picked up a book then set it down and tried to work on my designs but couldn’t focus.
Finally, I collapsed on my bed and stared at the ceiling wondering how I could have handled things differently. Not like I hadn’t wrestled with it. Not like my guilty conscience hadn’t been nagging me.Just tell her.
Butwhenwas I supposed to tell her? Before my suspicions had been confirmed? After he broke up with her? On New Year’s Eve when she raised her glass and toasted to “fresh starts, no more dwelling on the past, and no more asshole musicians?”
In all the years we’d known each other, Annika and I had never had anything major to fight about.
Until Gabriel.
The following morning, I woke up still dressed in last night’s clothes. Annika had already left for the dance studio, so I took a shower and walked to work with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
When I shoved my hands in my pockets, I pulled out the wadded-up napkin, and read his note while I waited in line for my morning bagel and coffee.
Listen, I’ve been thinking about this…there’s no reason we can’t be friends, right? The thing is that I really want you in my life. I NEED you to be in my life in some way, shape or form and if it has to be as friends, then so be it (which is not to say I don’t want more—I FUCKING DO).
But I’d rather settle for a few crumbs than nothing at all. And if you know me at all, that’s a huge concession on my part.
I’m just a man, Jane. Throw me a fucking crumb before I perish and die of hunger.
“Yo, lady, you gonna order or what? I ain’t got all day here.” When I failed to place my order quickly enough, the guy behind the counter pointed to the customer behind me. “Yo, buddy. Yeah, you. Give me your order.”
New Yorkers, man, so impatient.
Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a crisis here?
