Page 78 of I Dreamt That You Loved Me
I wanted to unzip his skin, crawl inside and make a home for myself.
Love was such a beautiful thing. It was also the most horrible thing imaginable.
There was always that fear in the back of my mind that I could lose him tomorrow. If I ever did, I already knew it would destroy me.
I pulled back and he gave me a smile that was so beautiful I wished I had a camera readily available.
I turned around and sat between his legs, leaning my back against his chest and made a mental note to take more photos. I wanted to preserve a memory from every day we spent together so that when we were old and gray we could sift through them and chart the dizzying highs and crushing lows and all the in-betweens of our beautiful love story.
Gabriel wrapped his arms around my middle and rested his chin on my shoulder. “Chopin.”
“What,” I said.
“The piano music. It’s Chopin. ‘Prelude in E minor.’”
I listened to the haunting music coming from an open window. “No wonder it’s so melancholy. That’s my key.”
“You’re beautiful.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “And I lied.”
I tensed. “To the doctor?”
“No,” he said. “I’m not sure if that’s ‘Prelude in E minor.’”
I laughed, relieved. “Well, good thing you’re not a classical musician then.” We were quiet for a while, listening to Chopin’s melodic beauty. “Why couldn’t you just tell me what you wrote in the notebook?” I asked quietly.
“It’s embarrassing.”
“The only people who should be embarrassed are those doctors and your father.”
“He’s just as dead as the prophet.”
We laughed. We had the same dark humor.
“Were you always Cleo Babington?” he asked.
I knew what he meant. “No. I was Cleo Babington Ashby until I was thirteen. But I didn’t want to go to a music and performing arts high school with the last name Ashby, so I dropped it the summer after 8thgrade.”
“You wanted to live on your own terms.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Did you play any instruments? Sing in talent shows?”
I laughed under my breath. “Just because I’m a musician’s daughter doesn’t mean I inherited his gift.” Gabriel’s arms tightened around me like he somehow knew I was withholding information from him.
After a weekend with my mom and “the Rogues,” he probably knew everything about me.
I sighed. “I played acoustic guitar and sang ‘Landslide’ in the 8thgrade talent show. My dad promised he would be there, but he never showed up. I was only doing it for him. I guess I just wanted his approval.” I shrugged. “It wasn’t that good anyway.”
“Still pretending to be so tough,” he said, nuzzling his nose against the side of my neck. “Drop your guard, Baby Blue. I’m your soft place to fall. Your safety net. I’ll always catch you.”
My eyes drifted shut and I relaxed into him, every ounce of tension draining from my body.
I felt safe with him, and I felt more like myself than I ever had with anyone. The real me, with all my flaws and weaknesses and insecurities on full display.
No man could ever love me the way Gabriel did. No man had ever understood me the way he did. With him, I had nothing to hide.
I prayed that he would always be here and that nothing would take him away from me.
