Page 169 of I Dreamt That You Loved Me
But what a burden to put on someone. You saved my life (again) so now you’re responsible for keeping me alive.
No. I had to figure out my own shit. I had to find a way to live again.
So in the end, I shook my head and told the doctor, “No one.”
When I heard his motorcycle coming up the driveway, I wiped my tears and tucked the photo back into the notebook then returned it to the shelf where I’d found it.
I’d read almost every entry save for a few at the end, but I didn’t need to keep reading to know that Gabriel had gone to hell and back. And that he’d truly believed he was broken and would have only dragged me down if he’d stayed.
Through it all, he had never once forgotten me. But to think I’d come so close to losing him tore me to shreds.
When Gabriel walked through the door, Otis greeted him as if he’d been gone for years. And so did I. I threw my arms around him and kissed him dizzy even as my heart ached.
“Wow,” he said with a big smile. “I was only gone for a day. Imagine if I’d been gone for a week.”
“Imagine,” I said, biting my tongue to keep from saying,It’s almost like you’ve been gone for three and a half years, but instead I tossed out, “I’d probably be rolling around in your bed naked.”
He grabbed his backpack from the floor and pretended to head back out the door, but I grabbed his hand, laughing, and pulled him back inside. “You promised me dinner.”
“I did. And I’m starving.” He looked me up and down, a smile tugging at his lips. “You look beautiful. I’d better take a quick shower. Be down in a minute.”
I gave him a sweet smile. “Okay. I’ll be right here waiting for you.”
He turned on the stairs and looked down at me, perplexed. “Did something happen while I was gone?”
“No, not really. Why?” I asked, the picture of innocence. Someday I would tell him I read the notebook, but right now I just wanted to enjoy our evening, and I wanted him to enjoy it, too.
“I don’t know,” he said. “You just seem…extrahappy to see me.”
I smiled, feeling lightheaded and giddy. “I’m so happy and grateful that you exist. This world would be so much emptier without you in it.”
He was quiet for a few seconds. “Good thing I decided to stick around then. Look at what I would have missed,” he said, his voice filled with awe like he couldn’t get over just how lucky he was to have me here.
I felt the same about him. What a gift.
When he disappeared upstairs, it hit me.
All along, that had been my greatest fear—not only that he would leave me, but that he would cease to exist.
Ever since Gabriel came back into my life five weeks ago, I’d been holding back. Withholding my love out of fear that he’d break my heart again. Fear that he’d abandon me. Fear that I’d get burned if I got too close.
I’d been telling myself that I couldn’t trust him or put my faith in him without some guarantee, someproofthat he loved me enough to stay and that he would knock himself out trying to win me back.
To some extent, maybe that still held true. Maybe my fears were perfectly valid. Forgiveness took time. Trust had to be earned. Love couldn’t be frittered away on the undeserving.
But he’d been trying to show me in so many ways that he loved me. The tattoo. The music. Giving me the studio to work in. Staying loyal to me all these years.
He came back to New York for me. He came to London for me. He came to the art gallery for me. He washere.Full stop.
Gabriel would never have come back into my life now if he wasn’t ready to fight for me. For us.And for himself, too.
So, I had to let go of some of the baggage weighing me down.
And I could start by believing in him again.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
Cleo
