Page 17 of The War of Wings
An idea.
I could find a Bloodsinger. Yes, I’d be able to find one somewhere. Maybe I’d have to travel to Losina, but… I could make as many sacrifices as I needed to in order to get to the Sanguilite’s Realm. It would work. It had to work. Before I could second guess myself, I asked, “Do you have the power to send me back to the Human Realm?”
“Petra!” Larka barked. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I have to go back,” I continued, not breaking Soren’s stare. “I think I know a way I can get to the Sanguilite.”
Larka’s hand landed hard on my shoulder and shook me. “What the hell are you thinking?”
“Larka, you don’t understand.”
“You’re right, I don’t understand. You’re staying here, you’re–”
“Larka!” I snapped as I whirled to her. Whatever it was she saw in my face caused her to still. “I have to go back,” I repeated, each word hard. I’d snapped at Larka before, shouted duringarguments and tiffs. This was different. This was a declaration from a queen to her subject. I turned back to Soren, my eyes pleading. “Is it possible? Can you send me back?”
The Saint of Heaven’s features sobered. “I cannot send you back to the Human Realm. The Sanguilite may be able to.”
“But–” My hands flexed at my sides, my mind trying to piece together a new plan that didn’t involve the Human Realm. “Howam I supposed to find her?”
“Petra,no.” Larka’s voice was filled with the fight I knew had been building inside her, edged with a desperation I’d never heard from her before. I didn’t turn back to her, didn’t dare look in her direction, even as she pulled on my arm. “You can’t leave me.”
“How do I find the Sanguilite?” I repeated. If I looked at Larka, I was going to lose my resolve.
“We don’t know,” Onera said, an edge of sorrow to her voice. “But, I don’t think I’m alone in thinking you may be able to find her yourself, from the Darkness Beyond, if you can manage to get back there again.” The other Saints nodded, though their expressions were full of uncertainty. “The fact that you managed to pass from the Darkness Beyond into Heaven…” She shook her head, blinking hard. “It’s the only option you have, if it’s an option at all.”
I’d managed to travel to the Darkness Beyond before. Every time I lost consciousness, be it through exertion or injury, that was when I found myself with Katia and Rhedros in the Darkness Beyond. Okay, so I just had to lose consciousness. Sure, I could do that. I’m sure I could make Larka angry enough to strike me in the side of the head.
Sweat dampened my palms, bile rising in my throat as a visceral fear gripped my chest. “I think I know a way,” I said quietly.
“It’s not a guarantee,” Soren said. “I’m not sure exactly how you ended up here. I’m not sure what went awry in the workings of the world that allowed you to slip through the cracks and findyourself in Heaven. But should you leave now, I make no guarantee you’ll be able to re-enter Heaven. Ever.”
“Petra!” Larka shouted, shaking me violently. Her voice echoed off the towering marble behind us, an assault to the peace of our surroundings. Even the birds halted their chirping for a moment. “You’re not leaving. You’re staying here.”
If I left, I might never be able to get back here. There was no guarantee I could return to Heaven, which meant there was no guarantee I’d see Larka or Da again. The funny thing was, I’d resigned myself to that fate already. Until today, I’d accepted the fact I’d never see them again. That was life and, in turn, that was death. But now, that loss had expanded, grown into something so much more profound. It was like they’d been dangled in front of my face as bait, and I’d been all too happy to take it.
“Look, Larka,” I said, pointing again to the decay on the horizon. “I know it looks small. But you haven’t seen how bad it was back home.” It was my turn to shake her now. Maybe if I shook her enough, it would jostle the truth into the part of her brain that would understand it. “If the Occulti make it through here, ifMalosymmakes it through here…” I fought off a shudder, dread clawing up my throat with claws made of broken glass. “This will all be gone. You will be gone. And I have no idea what’s on the other side of that.”
“It’ll be okay,” she offered, tears forming against her lashes. Desperation laced her words, her expression. “Just stay here.”
“There are people I love who need me there,” I answered, a dizzying mix of guilt and anguish pounding against my ribcage.
“But there are people you love who need youhere.”
Tears threatened to form, and it took everything in me to blink them away as I leaned in to my sister. I took her hand, gently squeezing as I tried to memorize her face. “You’ve been safe here. Happy and whole and taken care of. I need to ensure that for the others. With any luck, you’ll see them here one day, a long, long time from now, with no sign of Malosym’s presence sullying any of it.”
Her lip began to quiver, icy blue eyes leaking from the corners. “You don’t have to do this, Petra.”
“There’s no one else who can.”
I realized I was such a far cry from who I’d been the day Larka died. She knew me as a completely different person. I’d been apprehensive and distrusting and cynical. I’d been aimlessly pacing behind the bars of a cage, waiting to be set free from the chains of survival. For years, I’d been hoping for salvation, but it turned out I’d been salvation all along.
I turned to Soren, my brows furrowed. “What happens if they make it through before I can find Malosym?”
“I am able to shelter all residents within the walls of the castle if need be.” At the rise of my eyebrows, he continued, “This realm allows for certain forces that the Human Realm does not. The castle is, in a sense, infinite, and we can fortify the walls in case of…” He trailed off, his features twisting with stress. “...in case of a siege. It won’t hold forever, but I can guarantee at least some safety. I don’t want to cause unnecessary panic, however. So since the spot is still small, I’d like to keep this between us. Everyone will soon know you’re here. We’ll tell them you’re going back to the Darkness Beyond in pursuit of Malosym, but not that he’s anywhere close to breaking the barrier.”
“Okay.” My response was weak.
“Listen, Petra,” Onera started, stepping forward, her features etched with severity. “If you truly can travel to the Darkness Beyond, then you’re the only one who can free Katia and Rhedros.”
