Page 46 of The War of Wings
Somewhere between the second and eighth hour — maybe it was the ninth — Adorex was in my mind.Petra. Okay?
I shifted in my seat, trying my best to stretch my hips despite the strap keeping me in place. “Yeah, I’m okay,” I answered. “Are you?”
Drivas. Strong.
A smile pulled at my lips, breaking the monotony of wind and sun and sea. “You are strong.”
Petra. Thinking?
“Yes. I’m thinking.”
About?
A humorless laugh escaped me. “One moment I feel sure of myself, and the next it all falls away. And that’s the truth, that I have no idea what I’m doing. Never really have, to be honest.”
Petra. Knows.
“No, I don’t.”
Yes.
“Unfortunately, no.”
Yes,Adorex answered again, the feeling behind the thought firmer this time.
“How do you know? How can you be sure I know what I’m doing?”
Mother. Katia. Katia. Knows.
“I appreciate the vote of confidence, Adorex, but I’m a far cry from my mother. Just because Katia knows what she’s doing doesn’t mean I do. I don’t even know her.”
Trust. Self.
Tears sprung in my eyes, hot and unexpected. I blinked away the sudden barrage of emotion, but the question was staring me straight in the face. Did I trust myself? What a loadedquestion. Had I trusted myself back in Inkwell to find a way to provide for my family, no matter what it took? Was that trust, or was it luck? Had I trusted myself to make the right decision about giving my mother and Castemont my blessing to marry? Was that trust, or was it pressure? Had I trusted myself to defeat Noros, Saint of Pain, when that’s who I thought was the enemy? Was that trust, or was it necessity? Was it a choice made for me by the blood that flowed through my veins?
I didn’t have a single answer, but those questions weren’t the ones that needed to be answered now. The question was, did I trust myself now? Did I trust myself to secure an army? To find Katia and Rhedros? To defeat Malosym, somehow, some way? To step into the roles of queen and leader, strategist and champion for a cause far bigger than myself?
No. I wasn’t sure I did.
Trust. Self,Adorex repeated, now softer in my mind.
And I gave her the only answer I could muster. “I’ll try.”
???
Sleep had been all but useless. I managed a few minutes here and there beneath the light of the moon, but there was something about the fear of slipping from my seat and plummeting into a darkened ocean that kept me from sleeping deeply, even with the strap. And now that the sun had risen and we were somewhere in the stretch of midmorning, I could tell by the slouch of both Miles and Cal’s shoulders they’d experienced much of the same.
But my shoulders straightened, my posture stiffening as I saw the thin strip of black looming on the horizon. A low grumble reverberated from Adorex’s throat. It was… Oh, thank theSaints.
“I think I see land!” I called.
“Finally!” Cal shouted. Sweet relief pulsed through me. I couldn’t wait to feel the ground beneath my feet.
No. Land, Adorex thought.
The smile fell from my face as I squinted at the horizon. Light flashed within the black line, and it was headed towards us quickly. “Fuck,” I muttered to myself. “It’s a storm, isn’t it?”
Storm. Big.
