Page 11 of The War of Wings
Dread grew claws and sank them deep into my gut. “What’s your game?” I asked, tearing my attention from the scene before me and looking back into the endless darkness.
“We play no games. We simply aim to survive.”
The burning anger in my chest grew hotter and I roared in frustration. “Let me through!”
“There will be no making it through. There will be no escaping the Darkness Beyond, not for you, human. But go ahead, try again.”
She wasright there. Steps away with no idea I was this close. And though I knew better than to do what the Occulti told me, I braced myself, this time dropping my shoulders as I charged forward, as if I could will the window of light into submission by brute force. The pain latched on to every muscle again as I collided with the brightness and fell backward, writhing againstthe burn as it traveled over my entire bodiless form. The Occulti grew more frantic still. They were enjoying watching me fail.
Fuck. This.
I stood, steeling my spine as I lunged forward and into the light again. A carnal roar tore through my chest as I used everything within me to push. But within a few seconds, I was back in the darkness, panting through gritted teeth.Five, four, three…I counted down the seconds until the pain subsided enough for me to try again. And again. And again.
I threw myself toward the light over and over, never gaining traction, never making it farther than a few feet, never making it any closer to Petra. The Occulti whirred and swarmed behind me, their screeches growing louder still, dulling only when the light spit me back into the darkness and the pain had grown so great I had to stop and catch my breath. Air heaved in and out of me as I stared at her profile, and as the burn slowly wore away, the truth slowly took its place, twice as excruciating.
There would be no making it through.
Petra’s attention suddenly shifted, her eyes darting to look directly into mine. “Petra!” I called, my throat raw. She was looking right at me, but no recognition pulled at her features. She had to see me.She had to see me. “Petra! I’m right here!” It was only a moment before her gaze turned back to Larka and the two of them leaned back against the bench. “Petra!Petra!Dammit! No!” I beat a fist into the light, barely flinching at the sparks that crackled against me as I did. “No, no,no!” With every beat of my fist, with every cry that left my mouth, every plea, the Occulti grew more manic.
My fist fell to my side. Something pinched in my chest at the sight of her. Even battleworn and exhausted, she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. As beautiful as the day I’d met her — even more so, now that I knew both the fierceness and softness that lived in her heart.
I didn’t deserve her forgiveness, and yet she gave it to me. I didn’t deserve her kindness either, and yet, she’d given that tome, too. I didn’t deserve her understanding. Her mercy. Her trust. I had it all. She’d given me everything. But most of all, I didn’t deserve her love — not even an ounce of it. And yet, for some Saints damned reason, she loved me.Me.
She’d given it all to me, and I lost her again.
And I supposed this was my penance for all I’d done to her. The lying. The deception. The daggers I’d pointed at her unsuspecting and undeserving back. This was my punishment — living in some dark, endless void adjacent to her, knowing I’d never make my way to the other side.
But she was safe.
I fell to my knees, a numbness spreading through my chest. She was safe, and that was what mattered. My eyes remained on her for one final moment before she turned away from me, suddenly shooting to her feet and running out of view. Larka’s face lit up with a smile as she stood too, making her way slowly in the same direction as her sister. I craned my neck, trying to catch sight of Petra again, but she was gone.
The Occulti rushed around behind me, unseen in the darkness as I stared at the bench where Petra had been sitting. Tears pricked the backs of my eyes.
“Look further,” the Occulti whispered, a crazed edge to the amalgamation of voices.
I was so broken, I absentmindedly followed the order, my eyes moving through the scene before me. She deserved to spend eternity in a place so beautiful. So different from Inkwell. So different from the castle in Eserene. So…Wait.
Panic was a hot barb in my chest, piercing deep and true when my eyes landed on it. On the slope of a hill, far off in the distance, was a patch of scorched earth. A scar on an otherwise pristine world. An imperfection amid perfection itself.
“What is that?” I whispered.
“What does it look like?” the Occulti answered, goading me.
It looked like Malosym was trying to break into Heaven, but I sure as fuck was not about to say that out loud. “Tell me what it is,” I snarled.
“You know exactly what it is.”
My head shook violently as I stepped back from the light. I pivoted, running around where it hovered in the nothingness as if there was a backside to it, but all that I found was more of the same blinding light. Without a thought, I took off in the direction of the mark, as if Heaven and this void overlapped and if I could just run far enough into the darkness…
“You won’t find it,” the Occulti cackled, as if they read my thoughts. I pumped my arms, pushing my legs harder than I ever had before, running into the empty void. They were lying. I’d find it, I just had to keep running. If I covered enough of this incorporeal ground, I could find the spot. Maybe there would be a portal there like the one Malosym had opened, the one I’d followed Petra through.
But there was nothing. For as far as I could see, there was just nothing.
My run slowed to a walk, my breath sawing in and out of my lungs. I turned back to see the light shining in the distance, once again nothing more than a speck. A tiny spark in the vast, empty expanse.
“Fuck!” I shouted. The incessant chatter of the Occulti mocked me, taunted me, latched on to the anguish I felt and twisted it into something worse.You can’t get to her. You can’t do it. You’re stuck.
No. I damn well may be stuck here. I damn well may not be able to get there, but I was going to warn her if it was the last thing I fucking did. I would live out my days here in this unrelenting darkness, but I’d gladly cast myself — condemn myself — to the deepest pits of Hell before I let a drop of that darkness tarnish Petra’s world.
