Page 33 of My Favorite Secret
“How?”
He doesn’t answer me. I leave Felix be, curious but also taking the opportunity to avoid conversation, and the two of us drive back to the beach house in silence for the next ten minutes. The whole time, my body is alight with nervous energy, being in such close confines with Felix, afraid of what he might do next. With Felix, I never know what to expect.
The Jeep slows as we approach the automatic gates ofthe beach house and wait for them to open. The silence feels heavy between us. There are so many things I want to ask him, but I’m afraid of the answers. Has Tyler said anything to him about me? What was the argument with my mother? Why does he enjoy tormenting me?
Once the gates open, we enter the estate, heading up the long driveway. As soon as the house comes into view through the foliage, Felix turns the engine off, leaving a gap between us and the house, about one hundred feet away.
“You can park closer,” I say.
He unbuckles his seatbelt but makes no attempt to leave the vehicle. Instead, Felix swivels in his seat to face me. “Good ride, Red.”
“Red. Fuck Toy. Which one is it?”
He even recently called me Little Sinner.
The corners of Felix’s lips twitch. “Whichever one gets more of a rise out of you.”
I scoff and unbuckle my seatbelt. “Why are you so committed to tormenting me?”
“Because you’re fun to play with.”
“What do you want from me?”
His half-lidded gaze remains on me, peering out from beneath his black hood. Watching. Observing. The intensity of his dark green eyes sends a chill down my spine, and yet there’s no denying how intoxicating it is to be the center of Felix’s attention. It’s been happening more frequently this last week since he’s come to live with us.
Each time, no matter how much I tell myself I don’t want his attention, I know I’m lying. He’s both horrible yet… a beautiful mirage from the past that is constantly out of reach. I want that boy from my childhood to still be inside Felix somewhere.
“Tell me what you want from me,” I ask again,struggling to keep my voice strong during this dazed, spellbound effect he has over me.
My breath quickens with surprise when Felix moves across the car toward me. He grabs my jaw, holding it tight. My pulse races. My cheeks are warm from the touch of his inked hand. Yet I don’t fight back, at his mercy and intrigued by what he plans to do.
He’s so close, I can feel his breath on my face. I look to his eyes, but his gaze is on my lips. My heart is pounding so hard I can feel it between my legs. I’m wet, lost in the anticipation of what he’ll do next. Kiss me.Pleasekiss me. Love me. It’s all I want.
“Push me away,” he murmurs. When I shake my head, his gaze rises from my lips to my eyes. “Why not? You hate me and yet you’re not pushing me away.”
His hand lowers from my jaw, clasping around my neck. Panic rises within me. Felix may be deranged, but he won’t hurt me. That’s what I tell myself and hope it’s the truth.
“I can feel your pulse racing like a frightened little mouse. The flush in your cheeks. The quickening of your breath.” His gaze studies me. Analyzing.Knowing. “But you’re not frightened, are you? You’re getting off on this. That’s my brother’s problem—he’s too gentle with you. You want to be treated like a slut.”
My entire life, I’ve grown up believing I want a man to be gentle with me. My ideals of sex have always been of delicate and romantic lovemaking. These last two weeks have me second guessing everything I thought I knew about myself. I don’t have any experience to base my preferences off, all I know is I’ve never felt more alive than right now with Felix’s hand around my neck and with him calling me a slut. I want to experience the animalisticpassion of sex I’ve recently been witnessing, and I don’t think I can wait till marriage.
This is all a game for Felix. I don’t know what he gets out of it—pleasure for taunting a virgin with strict chastity values? He expects me to run away scared.
But in this moment, the only thing I’m scared of is regret. With my heart beating in my throat and my breath heavy, I slowly lean forward and take what I want, pressing my lips against Felix’s.
It’s just one kiss, closed mouth and soft, no different from how we used to play catch and kiss as kids. My lips linger on his. My pulse speeds up when I hear his breath grow audible. Felix doesn’t kiss me back, but when I try to pull away to search his eyes, his hand tightens around my throat, keeping me in place.
“That’s not a kiss.” The deep, gravelly tone of his voice vibrates against my lips. “Kiss me properly, Harper.”
My chest flutters. My stomach does a somersault, hearing Felix use my real name for the first time in years. I’m addicted to the way he speaks my name, like I belong to him.
My lips part and I kiss Felix with more force, not knowing what I’m doing, having never kissed anyone like this. But with Felix, it feels natural. It feels like I’ve always known how to kiss a man. I’ve wanted his lips on mine for so long. Needed it. When my tongue slides into his mouth and his groan vibrates through me, I’m not sure how I’m ever going to find the will to stop kissing this man.
Finally, he gives me what I need, kissing me back. It’s not at all how I imagined Felix would kiss. I thought he would be all teeth and tongue. Brash and fast. But his kiss is slow and deliberate. He kisses with his entire body, threading his fingers through my hair and pullingme in so close that my breasts crush against his firm chest. His breath shudders between kisses. For a moment, I swear he trembles, but I know it must be my imagination. He can’t be impacted by this moment as much as I am. He’s kissed plenty of girls in his time. He doesn’t even like me.
“Fuck, Harper,” he grits out, furious, suddenly pushing distance between us and returning to his side of the car. “Fuck. I’m not supposed to be kissing you. Tyler would kill me.”
I nod, feeling horrible for kissing Felix after the fight Tyler and I had. Tyler is the one I should be kissing. He’s the one I see my future with.
