Page 38 of My Favorite Secret
“My guess is Dad told them,” I say.
I’ve spoken with our father on the phone. He offered his condolences to Thomas and told me and Felix to return home to give the Winslows their space to grieve. Surprisingly, Thomas asked us to stay. He’s in no headspace toproperly support Harper and appreciates us being here for her. Our father has excused me and Felix from attending school for the next few days while we take care of Harper.
“We should sleep.” Felix reaches for the bedside lamp.
“Felix—” I say before he has a chance to turn the light off. He pauses and looks back at me. I choose my words carefully, unsure of how he’ll take them. “I know you and Harper have your differences, but once this initial grieving stage passes, promise me you won’t leave her again. You’re important to her, regardless of whatever she says. I can see how important she is to you too.”
He looks down at Harper and strokes her pale cheek. Everything I’ve said feels counterintuitive for the future I was so set on having with Harper. Maybe I’ll regret it later, but not right now. Deep down, I’ve never truly wanted this relationship to be just me and Harper. The way Felix and I are holding Harper in bed feels like it used to, when we were children. I know he feels it too.
“She’s ours, Felix, and we need to take care of her.”
His hand pauses on Harper’s cheek. His eyes flick to me, questioning. Perhaps a little taken aback.
Without giving me a response, Felix switches off the bedside lamp, leaving the three of us in complete darkness to fall asleep. I’m left wondering if I said the wrong thing. If I’ve made things strange between me and Felix.
After a few minutes of stillness, when I think I’m the only one awake, Felix speaks. “Tyler, I don’t think I could leave Harper even if I tried.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
FELIX
Friday, mid-morning, four days after Clara’s passing, I finally step away from Harper to take a moment for myself. With Tyler watching over her, I know she’s in good hands.
I’ve expected Tyler to ask why I’m attached to Harper. But he knows why without needing to hear me say it. Because she’s my girl.Ourgirl. Even if we’ve fallen apart.
I’ve never been more turned on in my life than during that moment in my Jeep with Harper. Sweet little Harper, saying the filthiest things as she came on my fingers. But it’s more than that. She told me she missed me. She told me I belong to her.
I knew in that moment it would be impossible for me to stay away from Harper. I don’t know what this will mean for me and Tyler. He wants to marry her. But I can’t hand her over to him.
I also can’t take Harper away from Tyler. It would destroy him. Harper too.
Exhausted, I strip out of my clothes and step beneath the hot shower, trying to relax in the steaming water. But something keeps repeating in my mind.
When Tyler said Harper is ours, he said ours to take care of.
Not ours to fuck.
But there was a nervous edge in his voice, like he was hinting at something that shouldn’t be spoken aloud. Like… hedoeswant Harper to be his girlfriend as well as mine.
It’s been no secret that he wants me to fix my relationship with Harper so the three of us can return to the friendship we used to have. I’m unsurefriendshipis an appropriate label for what this new version of our trio would look like.
As I stand beneath the shower stream, clarity washes over me.
The only way I’m ever going to have Harper without destroying my relationship with Tyler is if we share her. I can see it clearly, Harper spending one night in my bed, the next with Tyler. It’s fucked up by normal standards, but the dynamic wouldn’t be strange to us. After all, we’ve always shared Harper in some form.
From the way Harper was speaking about her fantasies in my car, I know she’d want this too. The trouble will lie in convincing Harper to shed her inhibitions and indulge in what she wants.
I laugh to myself. Harper and Tyler… The two of them put on a good show. The sweet girl. The polite young gentleman. But they have everyone fooled. They really are perfect for each other. Depraved sex freaks. It’s a shame they’ve never felt they could show each other their true selves.
They will eventually. I’ll make it happen.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Now isn’t the time to execute any of these plans while grief is so heavy in this household.
To say we’re worried about Harper is an understatement. She’s barely eaten. Barely gotten out of bed. She’s sleeping long hours and hasn’t spoken a single word to either of us. When she is awake, all she does is cry.
The hour has just past ten a.m. by the time I’ve showered, eaten, and phoned Theo to tell him I can’t sell eclipse in the near future. I’m heading back from the kitchen to be with Harper when I hear sobbing from within Thomas’s office.
I haven’t spoken much with Thomas since Clara’s passing. I’m sure I’m the last person he wants to speak with and perhaps I should give the man privacy, but he was supposed to leave for a meeting with the funeral director twenty minutes ago.
