Page 48 of My Favorite Secret
HARPER
There’s a smile on my face when I sneak back into my bedroom after spending the night with Felix. The smile feels wrong, like I shouldn’t be happy, not when Mom isn’t here anymore.
I can feel Felix’s cum on my breasts, dried on my skin. I should wash it off, but I don’t want to. I want a physical reminder of what he did to me.
“You’re smiling, Harp. That’s a good sign.” Tyler exits my bathroom, catching me off guard. His dark hair is a mess from sleep and he’s wearing the same navy-blue polo shirt from yesterday.
“Ah… yeah… I spoke to Felix and… sorted a few things out.”
“Oh, yeah?” He slinks an arm around my waist. I yelp as he pulls me onto my bed with him for a hug, right onto his lap.
Excited flutters travel through me, straight to my lower belly. Tyler’s palm is hot against my bare skin, high up my thigh. His other hand is on my stomach, pressing me to him.
“You’re also back to acting shy whenever I touch you,” he teases.
“I’m not shy.”
I definitely am.
After my night with Felix, I’m filled with thoughts of what it would be like to do it all again but with Tyler, if I could find the courage. I can’t imagine he would be rough with me. As a person, he’s gentle and caring. Tyler would be the romantic kind, with a candlelit dinner followed by slow and meaningful sex.
But I don’t know how I can be with Tyler after I spent the night with his brother. It feels wrong on so many levels. Felix said I don’t have to choose between them. I like that idea in theory, but I don’t know if it’s a life I could live. The concept is foreign to me, having always believed in monogamy. I already feel like I’m being unfaithful to Tyler, and we’re not even together.
Would Tyler go for this? Felix says he would. I’m not sure if that’s true, especially after having read his letter. All of this is so confusing and I don’t know how to feel about any of it. All I know is I’m scared of changing my relationship with Tyler in case it ruins us.
I think I’ve always been scared because Tyler is so important to me. It’s why I’ve tried hard all these years to keep him as just a friend.
“So, you and Felix are friends again, or is the friends label pushing it too far?” Tyler asks.
“I guess we’re… good again.”
It’s a version of the truth. I’m keeping enough secrets from Tyler as is. I don’t want to lie by saying Felix and I are friends, when we’re clearly more.
What Felix and I are exactly? I don’t know. I’m not foolish enough to believe the issues betweenus are fixed because we shared an emotionally intimate moment. But after losing Mom, the need to have Felix in my life outweighs the dislike for his terrible choice in friends, drugs, and God knows what else he’s involved with.
Tyler strokes my hair. “You have more color in your face today. I’m glad to see it.”
Someone knocks on the open door of my bedroom. Panicking that it’s my father, I shoot up from Tyler’s lap, placing distance between us. When I realize it’s Felix, I’m feeling equally as guilty. My face is hot.
Tyler’s gaze switches back and forth between me and his brother. Shit. Does he suspect something? If he does, he doesn’t say anything.
Felix tucks both hands behind his back, leaning against the doorframe. “Red, you going to be upset with me if I head out for a few hours to see Dan and Killian?”
He’s returned to taunting me with that nickname I hate. Except… he’s not taunting. There’s affection in his eyes and… I think he’s flirting with me.
I think… I may not be opposed to the name when he speaks it like this.
“Or the two of you could come with me,” Felix suggests. “Imagine that. The three of us hanging out together like the old days.”
“Yes,” Tyler answers immediately, enthused. “I mean, whatever you want, Princess.”
I smile at the thought. The three of us, like the old days. It’s what I’ve wanted for so long.
I’d like to spend the day with them, but I don’t feel ready to leave the apartment and socialize, even if it’s with their younger brothers. I’ve barely seen my father. I’m still processing everything with my mother.
“You two should go. I need to spend time with Dad. When you return, the three of us can…” No appropriate word will leave my mouth. All I can think about is the three of us sitting down to watch a movie like we used to, except this time it ending with both their lips on mine.
“The three of us can what?” Felix prompts. There’s a hint of amusement in the question, like he knows I’m thinking something indecent.
