Page 124 of Free Heart
“Yeah, son?”
“I don’t want to lose you again.”
He backs up to get a better look at me. “You never lost me.”
“It felt like I had for a really long time. I know I ran away from the grief, the memories, and even you. I ran, and didn’t answer my phone, and hid from how we lost Mom. I’m to blame for it too, but you’re my dad. When you didn’t call or answer my texts, I felt like I’d lost you too.”
He stands there wearing a look of gobsmacked sadness. “Son, I—”
I can’t let him speak. I’ll chicken out of what I want to say next. “But it’s better now. It’s been great having you here, Dad. Spending time together and seeing you every day, it’s meant a lot to me. Even if it was a little weird seeing you fall for Peggy Jo, I get it. I do. She’s a wonderful person.” I take a deep breath. “But, Dad, when you leave here, I can’t lose you from my life again.”
“What are you talking about, son? I’m coming out here to live near you, to be part of your new world.”
“Dad, please, hear what I’m saying.”
He pauses, scratches at his nose, and then says, “Okay. You’re right, son. We haven’t been very good at being a family since your mama died. I’m sorry about that. I’m not a brilliant man, Sejin, but I learned a hard lesson these last few years. I tried to protect my heart from pain—”
“Me too.”
“—and I was afraid to reach out in case it hurt.” He rubs his chest over his heart. “But if you don’t risk some pain, you’ll lose what you love.” He grabs me in a hug. “I love you. You’re my boy. My son. My family.”
“I love you too.” My throat is tight.
When Peggy Jo returns, we’re still holding on to each other.
“Alright, boys,” she says, digging around in her purse for a hairband. She puts her hair up. “We need to get on through the security line and to our gate.”
She turns to me. “You take good care of Dan and my cats and yourself, you hear me?”
“I will.”
“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call,” Dad says, tears still standing in his eyes. “And I’ll call you. Even if it’s for no dad-blamed reason at all. You’re not going to lose me.”
I hug them both, and I stand back to watch them in the security line until they get all the way through. Dad turns back to wave. I blow him a kiss, and he smiles and pretends to catch it like when I was a little kid.
He disappears with Peggy Jo down the hallway to the gate. I push my annoyingly short hair out of my face and collect myself before heading out to the parking lot. I start the car and move into traffic. My heart feels tender, but not broken.
Dad’s gone, but it’s okay. I’m not losing him.
INTERLUDE 6
SAILOR EVANS PRESENTS:
A NEW INTERVIEW WITH DANMcBRIDE!
…
…
…
Timestamp: 17 min, 24seconds
“Has being gay contributed to your—”
“I’m bisexual.”
“Pardon me. Has being bisexual contributed to your feeling of being outside of the climbing community?”
