Page 125 of Free Heart
No.
“That’s all you’ve got? Just no?”
Just no.
“Why’s that, do you think? Are climbers inherently queer-friendly?”
I’ve never let myself get close enough to other climbers to judge.
“So, you’re giving them the benefit of the doubt?”
Sure. Why not?
“Okay, next. The same-old, same-old question you always get. Do you ever worry that you’re going to inspire future generations to take the kind of risks you have?”
Is this a question that’s asked of Shaun White? Or Tony Hawk? Or Jesper Tjäder? Why is my sport different? Onemistake—one tiny degree of error—in any of theirs could lead to head trauma, broken necks, brain damage, or death. But no one looks at them and asks them if they’re afraid they’re leading future generations astray withtheirdeath-defying physical prowess.
“Well said. What’s next in your recovery?”
Bouldering on a real rock. Watch out, Housekeeping, because here I come.
“Housekeeping is a fantastic route. We’ve all seen your videos on TikTok and Instagram. Your progress has been impressive.”
Tell that to my boyfriend.
“He’s not impressed?”
He’s always impressed. He just wants me to slow down.
“Why’s that?”
He’s not looking forward to what’s ahead.
“And what is ahead, Dan?”
Free soloing Heart Route again, of course.
PART FOUR
January 2022
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
Sejin
Fifteen weeks since free solo attempt
The winter airsnaps with a hysterical cold that makes my nostrils burn, but I haven’t seen Dan this pumped in a long time. He’s standing at the base of the Amazon Face stretching out in preparation to get his hands on real rock for the first time since he fell.
I’m not here just for moral support.
I’m supposed to practice climbing too. Rye’s talking me through what he thinks is the best route for me to try up the opposite side of the boulder. “But don’t expect to get very far today; it’s not a beginner’s route, and you’re definitely a beginner.”
Sailor’s here too, and she’s got her camera in everyone’s face but Dan’s. I don’t mind that she’s with us. Sometimes I think she’s grown on me. I can appreciate her as part of the little group Dan has somehow cobbled together over the last few months.
I smile. Dan the Loner has a group. Who would have thought?
Today Sailor’s in a weird mood, though. She keeps checking her phone, but she’s consistently disappointed with whatever’s on her screen. It’s giving her an edge of despair that I’ve never seen in her, and I wonder if it’s medical news she’s waiting on.
