Page 138 of Free Heart
“Do you still want to go up tomorrow?” Sejin whispers after a few minutes of quiet go by. “You don’t have to.”
“I’m going. Are you coming with me?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
I nod. “Good.”
The rest of the night goes by quickly. I fall back into a deep and dreamless sleep after a few minutes spent countingSejin’s breaths. The morning rises rosy and sweet-smelling with melting snow and new grass.
“Sailor and Rye will meet me on the deck at the bottom of Heart Route,” I tell Sejin over breakfast after checking my texts to confirm the plan is still in place.
“Lowell and I will be waiting in the meadow.”
“Yes. You’ve got binoculars?”
Sejin presses his lips together and nods once.
“It’s going to be fine. Nothing like before. I’ll be roped in for one thing.”
“I know. I haven’t been back in the meadow, though, since you fell. At least, not that part of it. Don’t do anything risky.”
“Remember what I promised you when you said yes? I’m not going back on that.”
Sejin’s phone pings. “That’s Rye. He’s asking if Lowell is going to be staying down in the meadow after.”
“Probably not. Sure would be awful for them to have to see each other.” I roll my eyes.
“I wish they’d figure it out. They’re so awkward now.” Sejin goes back to his cereal.
I stretch and stand up. “Okay, time to get crackin’. That wall won’t wait.”
Sejin rises too and rinses his bowl in the sink. I follow suit. “Dan?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you scared?”
I pause to consider, because the truth is last night’s dream has me rattled. I know I can do this. I’ve been bouldering since January and going up mid-sized walls with my doctor’s blessing for well over a month and a half now, and I’ve even done some big walls in the valley. But this is my first attempt at an ascent of Heart Route since the day I fell.
Iwantto feel excited. Iwantto feel ready to fly up that wall and prove myself.
But, yeah. I’m scared.
“Maybe a little,” I admit.
Sejin rubs my arms and seems to steel himself against his better instincts. “You’ve got this. I know you can do it.”
“Thanks, Doc.” I know it’s hard for him to encourage me, but I also know he sees the difference in me these days too. I’m having a shit ton of fun on the walls, recording everything, editing it and posting it for viewers. The online encouragement has been extraordinary. Jory and Amalia have also been fantastic. Their little circle of climbing friends is always available for me. I never lack for a climbing partner, belayer, or even a ride these days.
Most importantly, I’m back where I feel most human. In the valley, on a wall…
I glance at my phone for the time.
“Let’s go,” I say, kissing him quickly.
“Yes,” he agrees. “Let’s face this thing.”
At last.
