Page 151 of Free Heart
“But I only want one kind of forever,” I grit out. “The kind with you here on this physical plane with me.”
“I know, and I wouldn’t do this if I thought I couldn’t.”
“Dan, you think you can do anything.”
“I don’t,” he disagrees. “I don’t wingsuit, do I? That’s foolish. People die doing that.”
I groan, and he holds me even closer. I don’t say what we both know is true—people die doing what he’s going to do too. Plenty of them.
“I thought it’d be next fall,” I confess. “I thought I’d have until at least October with you.”
“Doc, remember how you told me that you’d believe in me? Believe in me now. I can do this. I don’t need another five or six months. I’ve trained this route to death. I’ve got muscle memory from before the accident, and I actually think it’d be worse for me to keep on training it. I’ll be sick of it by then. I’ll have overworked it. I’m at the sweet spot right now. I can do this. I wouldn’t have agreed if I didn’t know I could.”
“But what about the money?” I ask, sniffling. “Remember when you didn’t want sponsors? You didn’t want the pressure, you said—”
“I want the money, yes, of course. But that’s not why I said yes. I can do this. Believe in me, Doc. You said you would. Please. For me.” He squeezes me. “Believe.”
I suck in a shaky breath, and I wrap my arms around him even tighter. I nod my head, remembering my wedding vows, remembering what I’ve known from the start. This is Dan, my Dan, and this is who he is…
“I believe in you,” I whisper.
“No, you don’t. But you will. I’ll prove it to you.”
I recall him standing on the top of Pillar Two and the enormous relief that had flooded me when he was safely back on the ground again. I know that’s only a taste of what’s ahead for me at the end of the month.
I let him go and wipe my eyes. “I believe in you,” I say, and then again with more strength. “I believe in you, Dan.”
He smiles and my gut twists with sorrow. “Thank you. I believe in me too.”
I punch his shoulder and he laughs, kissing my cheek, and then my lips, and then he holds me close and lets me cry some more.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
Sejin
0 days until free solo attempt
It seems surrealthat yesterday evening I was working at Papa Bear like nothing had changed. It seems even more surreal that Dan made love to me last night like it might be our last time.
Gentle. Sweet. Slow.
Every ounce of his love for me transmitted between our bodies.
Even more surreal that when I smiled at him this morning, when I kissed him before sending him off, I knew in my mind it could be the last time, but my heart will not accept it.
“I’m going to make it, Doc,” Dan said to me, before he drove off in the van, leaving me in the meadow with the film crew, gawkers, fans, and friends.
“How do you know?” I’d whispered in return, immediately ashamed because I’d promised to believe in him.
“Because this isn’t my most favorite smile,” he said, touching my lips. “I won’t go without seeing it again.”
Then he’d kissed me, and the crowd of fans, which had been giving us space, tried to surge in as he walked away, but Rye, Jory, Lowell, and some of the film crew guys held them back.
Now I’m standing in the meadow, surrounded by all these people, and trying to act like my heart isn’t climbing up that massive hunk of glacial rock rising up before me like a giant of yore. Trying to act like I believe there’s no way Dan will ever fall. Not again.
I believe in him.
*
