Page 36 of Free Heart
He goes back to brushing his hair, but not before meeting my eyes and agreeing, “Yes, Dan, for life.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Sejin
Nearly 2 weeks since free solo attempt
“So, the GoFundMehas nearly six thousand dollars raised,” Rye tells me, as we sit outside of Papa Bear at a table in the now-empty children’s area. The cold weather has come in, leaving it mostly abandoned by the families until spring rolls around again.
Rye and I are huddled over our hot coffees, determined to escape the crush of bodies in the shop proper. Everyone wants their warm drinks inside during this drizzly, miserable weather, but the crowd is making me claustrophobic in there.
“That’s amazing,” I say. “How’d you convince people to contribute?”
Rye smiles. “I have a charming personality and people like me.”
“Unlike Dan.”
He gives me a high five. “Exactly.” Taking a sip of his drink, he adds, “The climbing community is good people, though.”
I shrug. “They had no love for Dan before he fell.”
“True. But there were reasons for that.”
“I know.”
“Sejin, you know no onewantedto see him fall, right?”
“Sure, they did.”
He sighs. “Well, okay, some of them did. He was arrogant, and they were thrilled by his daring, but also angry about it. Surely you can relate to that feeling, especially when it comes to Dan.”
I shrug. Of course I can. But I hate the way those people had been so gleeful about the chances of him falling, and now so right about it. Somehow that makes it worse.
Rye goes on, “But now that he’s had his comeuppance, his so-called ‘Come to Jesus’ moment, they think he’s been humbled.”
“So now they want to help. I get it. It’s a little like rubbing his face in it, though, isn’t it?”
“Sejin…”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be a dick. They’re being generous when he’s scorned their company for his entire climbing career.”
“That they are, and that he has.”
Rye taps my cup with his, and we drink to it. Though whether we’re drinking to the six thousand raised or Dan’s dickishness to the climbing community at large, I’m not sure.
“How’s it going with Lowell?” I ask after a few minutes of peaceful silence watching the misting rain. “Y’all still in the honeymoon phase over at his place?”
Rye smiles, his eyelashes fluttering down against his cheek, and it’s sweet. I remember feeling like that about Dan not too long ago. Sometimes I still feel that way about him, but lately being with Dan is a lot of obligation and a lot less joy.
I’m sure it’ll come roaring back once we’re past all this. Or maybe our love will be more even-keeled, tempered, and time-tested, less rushing, champagne-in-our-veins. Who knows?
I miss it.
“It’s good,” Rye says. “He’s great. I’m the first guy he’s ever been with, so he’s had to deal with some internalized crap over that. But otherwise…yeah. I’d forgotten I could feel this way. I’d thought I never would again. When things ended with Jeanie’s dad, you know, once I came out to him…” He shrugs. “Whatever. I don’t want to get into that. The thing is Lowell’s fantastic. And he’s great in bed.”
“Always a bonus.”
“What about you and Dan? How’s it going, really? When I’ve come over to help out while you’re gone, he’s seemed very…” Rye frowns. “Not himself.”
