Page 51 of Free Heart
“He does make me feel floaty,” I agree. “Not so much lately, but before. And he will again. But things are tough right now.”
“Don’t you fuck it up with him, Dan. Do whatever you need to do to keep that boy. He loves you, and you love him, and you need each other.”
I don’t know if Sejinneedsme, but he wants me. That’s good enough. I’ll be his angelfish until the end of time, so I need to make sure he stays a seahorse and doesn’t move on just because the ‘breeding season’ is over.
Whatever that means. Guess I need to fuck him more, if he’ll let me.
“That’s exactly it,” I say. “I’m tryingnotto fuck things up with him, so I need to get some kind of income. The financial stress of our situation is getting to him. I mean, he’s struggled financially for as long as I’ve known him, but the weight ofmeis really dragging him down.”
“Well, I can make some calls, but chances aren’t good for a sponsorship now, Dan. There’s not much I can say besides that.”
“Thank you for trying.” I stand up with my crutches and almost drop the phone.
“Why look at you! Mobile again! What’s it like?”
“It’s good,” I say, edging my way carefully toward the kitchen table where I quickly take a seat and drop my phone to the tabletop. I hunch over it. It gives Peggy Jo a nice view of my nostrils, which I’m sure she appreciates. “The doctor put me in a knee-high moonboot yesterday. My leg is healing faster now.”
“Youth,” she says. “It’s in your favor.”
“The boot isn’t that protective, though. I feel like if I knock it against the table or something, I’ll set myself back.”
“Well, just don’t do anything dumb.”
“Like what?” I glance up at the refrigerator door where Jeanie’s card hangs in all its glittery, gruesome glory.HELP, it reads, and I gaze at the O-shaped open mouth of the man representing me, suspecting that Sejin hung it up where I’d see it daily on purpose.
“Like, I don’t know, start training for your comeback. Take your time.”
Training for my comeback…now that’s an idea. Maybe even a marketable one. But not to Ace Bandage.
“I could sell my comeback,” I tell Peggy Jo. “The North Face might buy it? Or Reel Rock, maybe? Or whoever it was that shotFree Solo. Why not make a film about me?”
“‘Whoever it was who shotFree Solo,’” Peggy Jo repeats and scoffs. “As if Jimmy Chin is going to want to swing by to pay you a bundle of money to film your recovery.” She sighs. “Dan, like I said, I’ll make some calls, but you made your choices.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means everyone in the valley knows who you are, sure, but you didn’t spray, you didn’t post on social media, or YouTube,and you haven’t made a name for yourself outside of Yosemite. There’s not a ton to sell, honey. I’m sorry.”
I know she’s right, but this is the only thing I can offer Sejin, unless I start looking into those “how to make twenty-thousand dollars a week with your computer” schemes.
We talk briefly about the demon baby, and I ask about its pointy ears. “Where’d she get those from? Is she a changeling?”
“Her darling ears look like her father’s.”
“Ah, well, okay. Who is her father?”
“None of your business.”
“Fair enough.” I pick up Julio who has come over to wind around my feet. “Look who likes me now. And the other little monsters like me too.”
Julio taps my face with his nose, and then squirms until I let him down.
Peggy Jo coos and blows kisses at the screen. “Always said you’d like them if you gave them a chance. Like most everything else in life you’ve ended up liking.” She ticks her fingers. “Climbing. Sejin.”
“You never told me anything about Sejin. I found him myself.”
The sound of the demon child’s cries lift in the background, and I sign off quickly. I’m not going to grow to love anything that makes noises like that on the regular. Bigger kids, like Jeremiah or Jeanie? Cute. Infants? Yikes.
There had been one foster family I’d lived with who’d had twin six-month-olds in their care. Endless screaming. I’d been so glad when they told me it wasn’t working out, and I was sent on to the next home.
