Page 55 of Free Heart
“Doing what?”
“A job maybe?”
“What job can he get when he’s not supposed to put any weight on his leg?”
“Something online. Call center work. I don’t know. But he needs to start contributing.”
I take another bite of food to keep from snapping at her, but Martin does it for me.
“Leenie, babe, back off.”
She lets out a slow breath and then nods. “Alright. I’m sure you and Dan have it all under control.”
“We don’t actually,” I admit. “But, as of this morning, Danisworking on a plan to start bringing in some money. It might take some time for it to pay off, but I think he’s onto something.”
I don’t know if he is or not, but I’m not going to sit here and let Leenie talk about Dan like he’s just lounging on the sofa eating bonbons while I work my ass off.
He’s healing, and he’s been in pain, and he’s got appointments with doctors and dentists. He’s grieving his failure and trying to find some purpose again. Long shot as that may be…
But if anyone can be even more motivated by more challenges placed in front of an already-challenging idea, it’s Dan.
“What’s his plan?”
I lay it out enthusiastically, overcompensating for Leenie’s face, which leaks all of her doubts. Martin listens with interest, nodding and murmuring encouragement like “cool” and “that’s not a bad idea.”
Leenie says nothing, and when I’m done, she simply sighs, stands up, and says, “I’m behind you, Sejin. Whatever you need, whatever happens, I’ll always support you. Dan…well, he’s on his own as far as I’m concerned.”
Then she goes to join the kids in front of the television.
To say I’m hurt is an understatement, and it must show on my face because Martin squeezes my hand. “Don’t listen to her. She’s just repeating all the stuff her mom says to her.”
“About you?” I can’t imagine anyone saying Martin’s not a hard worker.
“No, abouther.”
“Leenie’s mom says that stuff?” My mom would never have said anything like that to me, and I’ve always been much more adrift in life than Leenie.
“Yup. She’s not sure why Leenie’s not looking for work instead of staying home with the kids when we can’t afford this, and we can’t afford that. Never mind that childcare would eat up all she’d earn at any job she’s qualified for, and the kids would be with strangers all day…” He shrugs. “We all learn from our folks and project that onto others, don’t we? So don’t let it rest on your heart.”
I’m not sure how to do that, actually, but I nod and squeeze his hand in return. He releases me, we finish up the pie, and then I rise from my chair. I need to get back to Dan, and I feel like I’ve overstayed my welcome with Leenie. Even if Jeremiah does break away from his precious Paw Patrol to cling to me and beg me to come back soon, I know it’s time to go. Sarah Kate can’t be bothered to express her feelings on my leaving, if she has any. She’s way too absorbed in the show.
Leenie gets up and gives me a hug too, and we both act like we’re not mad at each other. I head out to my car still parked in their drive where I’d left it this morning when I’d come to join Martin.
I knew back when I started up with Dan that I’d have to live with all my doubts and uncertainty about who he is and what he chooses to do with his life, but I hadn’t realized I’d also have to deal with other people’s feelings about it. Which I now recognize was shortsighted of me.
Other people always have opinions, and because they’re human, they’re going to express them.
I just wish it didn’t bother me so much when they did.
*
Dan
When the doorbellrings, Lowell moves Muggs off his lap to go answer. I’m not all that surprised to hear Rye’s voice, since he’s wherever Lowell is more often than not these days, but Iamsurprised to hear little Jeanie’s enthusiastic greeting.
I quickly save my work in case little hands make a big mess and prepare myself for the upcoming embrace. Kids don’t get boundaries, though Ryeisteaching Jeanie about them, but I don’t want them to apply to me anyway. Even though I’m always a little unnerved with how easily Jeanie bestows hugs on me—because somewhere inside, I’m never sure I actually deserve them—I love getting them.
“Dan!” she exclaims, running over as Rye and Lowell come back into view after whatever little greeting transpired between them in the entryway.
