Page 57 of Free Heart
“Asshole.”
Jeanie huffs. “Daddy says that’s a bad word.”
“Your dad can…” Rye clears his throat. “Your dad is right, and I’m sorry.”
Jeanie and Rye linger in the kitchen, talking about her day at preschool and whether cats turn into ghosts when they die.
Obviously not,I think,because they’re demons, and they go straight to hell. Except not these three. It turns out they’re only half-demons. So, they’ll go halfway to heaven.
Lowell sits back down beside me, and I can practically feel him fighting the urge to turn around and look at Rye again.
“Did you ever see yourself being with a guy who has a kid?” I ask.
“I never saw myself with aguy,” he says quietly, so Rye and Jeanie don’t hear. “A kid, though…” He shrugs. “There was a time. Yeah.”
“It’s all good?”
“Mostly.”
I narrow my eyes. He better not be about to break Rye’s heart.
Reading me, Lowell shakes his head. “No, it’s nothing like that.”
“Oh.” I make another guess. “Is it his ex? Causing trouble?”
“Yeah.” His jaw clenches. “Let’s just say my ex is a lot less difficult to deal with. Nina left and didn’t look back. As much as that hurt, right about now, I see the benefit of it. Good thing we never had any kids, I guess.”
I wonder whether things with me and Sejin would have gone as far as they have if he’d had a kid to raise. I’m not sure. I like children, when they’re Jeanie’s age at least, but I don’t want any of my own. I wonder if Sejin does? I should probably ask.
“It wasn’t for lack of trying, though,” Lowell says. “It just never took.”
“Ah.” What’s to be said about that?
“When we divorced, I was grateful there weren’t any kids to deal with. Now I’m in a situation where I’ve got a guy I care about, his kid,andhis ex in my life. It’s…not what I’d imagined for my forties.”
“I bet not.”
“Andrew is a real asshole.”
“Yeah.” I’ve heard, but again, what’s to say or do about it? So long as Rye has Jeanie, then Rye’s ex is going to be around.
“Rye’s tough, though. He doesn’t even flinch at all the shit that man says to him.”
“Rye’s strong.”
“The strongest,” Lowell agrees.
“Is it all that different for you? Being with a guy instead of a woman?” I know what it’s like for me, but I also know I’m an anomaly of a bisexual.
Lowell’s eyes go soft, and he smiles, his cheeks growing red. I’ve never seen him blush. That’s an astounding reaction if ever I’ve seen one. “It’s different, yeah, but he’s what I need.”
I get that.
The corn is done popping, and Rye escorts a re-bundled-up Jeanie out to the back patio to eat it in the cold, trailed by Julio who loves the stuff. Giving her his phone with a children’s app open to play with, Rye leaves her out there with the cat, since we can all see her through the wide windows.
When Sejin comes in from work twenty minutes later, I’ve just finished telling Rye all my plans and showing him the notes I’ve taken and the accounts Lowell and I have set up on the platforms I’ve chosen.
Rye seems mildly enthusiastic—happy I’m doing something, but reserved about whether he thinks it’ll be a success. He had the good idea of linking to the GoFundMe he set up for my benefit in the profile of the various apps.
