Page 60 of Free Heart
“What’s he talking about?” Lowell asks.
“I’ll tell you later.”
Dan shows the entirety of the piece of clothing in his hand. “We had to cut off one leg to make room for my moonboot. So, it’s a sweat-pant.” He laughs at his own joke, and Rye feels a smile pull on his lips too.
Dan issucha dork. It’s sweet really.
On video, Dan wriggles into the sweat-pant, managing to show nothing scandalous as he does so. He pats around behind the camera on what Rye knows is the coffee table in front of him where, undoubtedly, he has the phone set up to record. “Here are my tissues. Kleenex brand for me. Lubricated with aloe.” He holds the box by his head. “Hit me up for a sponsorship, Kleenex. My d-i-c-k and I are faithful users of your product.”
Lowell grunts a low laugh.
“Here’s my lube.” He holds up a small white bottle with strawberries on it. “It’s Wet brand, as you can see. Again, I’m open for sponsorship. This one’s strawberry flavored. I’m using it to jerk my junk because Sejin prefers the unscented and tasteless kind during s-e-x, so I gotta find a way to use this one up.” He pours some on his finger. Licks it. “Mm, just like candy. If candy tasted terrible,” Dan finishes.
Lowell snorts.
“This is the remote control I use. Nothing special. Essential for scrolling through the internet corn offerings. Let me tell you, the TV that my climbing mentor and pseudo-mom has screwed into her wall? It’s enormous. It makes all the body parts lookbeyond life-size. By the way, hi, Peggy Jo, if you’re watching. I bet she’s not, though. She’s way too old for social media.”
Rye sputters. Lowell laughs again, warm and low.
“So, let’s see…” Dan aims and clicks at the TV. “One of the better things about being bi is I have a lot of choice when it comes to corn. I’ll take men on men, women on women, women on men, men on women. There’s no combination that’s a deal breaker. Given how many hours I’ve spent doing this since I broke my leg, it’s a good thing I’m not picky.”
He frowns and then his face lights up. “Ah, this one looks perfect. Two girls and a guy. Neither of the girls have wickedly long fingernails or belly rings. A real needle in the haystack.” He looks down. “The only other thing I need is attached to my body. So…we did it, guys. You got ready with me. Hope you enjoyed this brief look into the daily life of a world-class athlete with a broken leg. Tomorrow, I’ll update you about all the recent climbing I’ve done. Spoiler alert: None.”
“Oh, wow,” Rye says, watching as the likes and comments gather at increasing speed. “This is taking off.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know?”
Rye opens the comment section and points at the first one, which already has over forty likes on it too.
if you’re boyfriend’s busy i could come over
A reply from Dan immediately appears beneath it.It’s ‘your boyfriend,’ and no.
Another comment readsstep on me with your moonboot, daddy
Dan’s reply is to the point.No.
A homophobe offersYou fell because God hates queers. Repent or burn.
Dan saysThanks for worrying about me.
“How’s he actually kind of good at this?” Rye says, dumbfounded. He reads a few more excessively thirsty comments and clucks his tongue. “Though Sejin’s going to wring his neck with this one.”
“Somehow I doubt that,” Lowell says, showing Rye where he’s opened Dan’s GoFundMe page on his own phone. “It’s gone up $400 in the last four minutes alone.”
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah.”
Rye clucks his tongue, mystified. “Maybe this asshole’s onto something after all.”
Lowell leans back and slings his arm along the top of the sofa. “One thing I’ve learned over the last few years is to never count Dan McBride out. He’ll surprise you every time.”
Rye puts his phone aside and drapes himself over Lowell’s thighs. “Wantmeto countyouin?”
“Sure.” Lowell swallows hard. “I mean yes, sir.”
