Page 71 of Free Heart
I’m reminded of when I stood outside Papa Bear in August thinking of the incoming tide of the season, bringing fish for me to catch from that late summer sea. Hadn’t it brought me an angelfish?
I can’t see what’s beneath the swell of this new season’s tide either. I know the winter is bringing in a change, though, and Sailor Evans may be the start of it. I gaze at her flushed cheeks and bright eyes. She looks like a star…
Maybe the winter tide’s brought in a starfish.
Whatever she’s bringing into our lives, I hope it’s good.
*
Dan
I’m ready todeclare Thanksgiving my favorite holiday.
The food is fantastic. I’ve got actual friends around me.Suck it, Peggy Jo.And Sailor Evans knows everything there is to know about breaking into the upper echelons of the climbing world on social media.
As the meal progresses, and the night starts to cool further, Sejin, Rye, and Lowell move closer to the bonfire’s lowering flames, trying to stay warm. Or so they claim. They may just be trying to escape Sailor’s and my conversation about YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, and ad revenue.
While they toast marshmallows, Sailor and I huddle around my computer.
I’m glad Sailor sees what I see in myself. It makes me feel less like I’m out of touch with reality. She knows my story is alreadylegendary in the climbing world—as a cautionary tale, yeah, but legendary all the same. She knows people wanted to see me fall, but she also understands now that I’ve had my comeuppance, they actuallywantto see me send Heart Route.
“You’ll start small,” she’s saying. “You rope them in—like you have been with the daily updates, the topo spills, the past videos and pictures, the shots of your boyfriend looking adorable. He is, by the way.”
“I know.”
She kicks back, glancing toward the little group around the bonfire. “I didn’t mean to upset him earlier.”
“When?” I’m still not surewhySejin was angry, but Sailor seems to know that he was.
“When I was grilling him about his life. I didn’t mean for it to come across like I was belittling him.”
“Oh.” I guess that’s how Sejin probably felt. I can see it now.
“I just wanted to see if there was another angle we could sell to the viewers, and I figured he must have something he’s passionate about to have attracted someone like you.”
I can’t imagine thinking of Sejin as someone without drive or passion. He might not be career oriented or ambitious in his goals, but he’s incredibly driven toward what he values.
“He’s passionate about happiness,” I say. “I didn’t even know that was a real feeling I could experience before I met him. Outside of sending a tough route.”
Even then, I’m not sure what I felt during or after climbing was happiness. Exhilaration, triumph, relief? Yeah. But happiness? I don’t know.
“That’s good. That’s great,” Sailor says, leaning forward again. “You need to say something exactly like that on camera. Keep it in just the same matter-of-fact and yet totally smitten tone. Folks will eat that up.” She grins. “Don’t get me wrong; there’ll be some women and maybe a few men who’ll resent Sejinbecause they want to fuck you.” She waggles her eyebrows. “Like me, you’re very fuckable.”
I snort.
“But, also like me, it’s best to keep them fantasizing. Sejin’s a great way to do that. He’ll both fuel their imagination about you and what you do in bedandput up a wall between you and them. I’ve had so many more aggressive men trying to get with me since I lost my most recent ex.”
“Lost her? Like she died?”
“No, lost her like she got sick of my bullshit.” Sailor laughs, and it’s a nice sound.
I like Sejin’s laugh better, though. I’m surprised I even found Sailor so hot at first. She’s already losing some of her allure as we talk. Not that her personality is bad, but it’s not attractive to me like Sejin’s.
I look over at him, and he’s watching me. I smile, and he gives me a tentative one back.
I return my focus to what Sailor’s teaching me. I need to get as much out of her tonight as I can in case she turns out to be one of those people who are all talk and no action. I already have so many notes. I’ll have days’ worth of work ahead of me to process and produce her suggested content.
I might need Rye’s help with it all. Or Lowell’s.
