Page 85 of Free Heart
“Doc?” I prompt. “What’s it going to be?”
“Danny, if I say yes, will you give me something in return?”
I go sweaty all over again. “Okay, you can ask. But I can’t promise that I’ll agree to it.”
He smiles, and the tears running from his upside-down moon-eyes make my heart squeeze. “Promise me that if I say yes, the next time you free solo Heart Route, you’ll makeeverychoice on the route withmein mind. Not what you want. Not what you think the world wants from you either. Just me.”
I take a breath, chest aching, wondering if I can make that promise. Am I going to have to put the ring back in my pocket instead of slipping it onto Sejin’s finger? But then I remember—no, not remember, but somehowknow—I had considered Sejin on my last attempt too. That’s what saved me.Hesaved me. I know if I can keep him close, he’ll always save me.
“Yes, I promise. Every second of the ascent, I’ll put you first, even if it means I bail and need to be rescued again. Even if it means never even starting up that wall again. If I can’t train myself to a place where I feel confident that I can make it, I won’t even try.”
Sejin stares at me, his hooded eyes assessing me. This isn’t the joyous, gaspingyesI’d imagined when I cooked up this planand had Lowell take me to a local jewelry-maker for this shiny circlet. But it’s real. This is my Sejin gazing at me, taking me in, and accepting me wholesale. Foolish double-dog dare-taker and all.
“Yes,” Sejin says, a smile breaking over his tear-wet lips. Notthesmile. But one that I’ve come to love just as much because it’s his serious smile. His most heartfelt, tenderest of smiles. “I’ll marry you, Dan.”
I grab his face and kiss him, tasting his tears. It’s only when I pull away to slip the ring on his finger—thank God it fits—that I notice we have an audience.
Small groups have gathered on the trail in either direction, none of them proceeding, giving us some illusion of privacy for the conversation. All except for a teenage boy who’s holding up his phone.
Now that Sejin has accepted, the clapping and hooting begins. It lasts a few minutes, but the crowd slowly moves on after we kiss on the lips a few more times. With a few hearty congratulations, they leave us to bask in each other alone on the trail.
I kiss Sejin’s tear-wet face over and over.
“Let’s go home.”
We lock hands, and he monitors the path for any surprise ice that may have cropped up in the few minutes since we last passed through.
“It’ll only be home for a few more days,” I remind him as we walk back toward the car.
Peggy Jo called earlier in the week to let us know she would be returning before Christmas. Her daughter’s baby-daddy is back on the scene, and Bella and Amelia Rose are going to Cincinnati to spend the holiday with his family.
“A cozy Christmas in your van is just what the doctor ordered,” Sejin says, stopping on the path to pull me close. Hepresses a soft kiss to my mouth. I shiver, feeling it all the way in my knees. Pulling back, he says, “Speaking of, we should investigate the state of the van when we get back. We need to make sure we have everything in there that we’ll need for your, ahem, ‘physical therapy.’”
I recognize his playful expression. My pulse skips a beat thinking of where his sweet kisses may lead once we get back to Peggy Jo’s. I’m up for playing therapist or doctor, or whatever game he has in mind.
“Hey, Doc, guess what?”
“What?”
“I’ve got a prostate in need of examining.”
Sejin laughs. “Oh yeah? Funny thing. So do I.”
“You check mine, and I’ll check yours?”
“Deal.”
I grin. When it comes to Sejin, I’m up for anything and everything, in bed and out of it. That’s why I asked him to marry me. I want to share my whole life with him.
Back in the car, Sejin drives, and the whole way home I admire the ring on his finger, glinting in the sun. He said yes. He’s mine, and I’m his, and the future is ours to build. Fuck whatever the Negative Nellies will have to say. We’re going to shine forever.
As long as we both shall live.
*
Sejin
Lying in thevan’s bed, the windows steamy from our post-engagement activities, I curl on my side watching Dan sleep. We’re snuggled beneath the warmest blankets Dan could locateamongst his few remaining things in the van, and after all the exertion, I’m plenty warm.
